What Did I Do to Deserve . . . ?

I headed out on a walk/run this morning for the first time since I delivered our son. The sun had not yet risen. I turned on my playlist – the same one that played as I pushed through the fear and the pain to protect my baby and bring life into the world. A rush of emotions flooded back as I thought back to that day, and as I pushed my body, as my feet pounded the pavement, I remembered pushing, pushing pushing.

I thought about my little boy – in the months leading up to the day of his birth, he grew in my womb. He developed just as God designed; he rolled and tumbled and kicked me from the inside. Before I even met him, I was in love. And as of yet, he had done absolutely nothing to deserve that love. He hadn’t flashed me a gummy smile. He hadn’t gazed deep into my eyes. He hadn’t babbled or uttered the first “I wuv you.” But as I realized his life was in danger, I was willing to do anything. Anything! I loved my son already because of who he was – my son! And I wanted life for him.

As I continued my route this morning, my music began to serenade me the lyrics of “One Thing Remains/How He Loves.” And I began to ponder the cross – the cross that Christ pushed through. The pain. The agony. He pushed, pushed, pushed. And as of yet, we had done nothing to deserve that kind of love. We had not sung his praise. We had not lifted our hands to heaven. We had not told our neighbors of his greatness. He realized our lives were in danger, and Jesus was willing to do anything. Anything! He loved us already! While we were still sinners Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). And because of his great love for us, God who is rich in mercy made us alive with Christ while we were yet dead in our sins (Eph. 2:4). He love us not because of what we’ve done, but because of who we are – His creation, his children – and he wanted (and wants) life for us. Life, not death!

I pushed through the pain to bring my son life. And Christ pushed through the pain to bring us life. Me. You. Us. We are loved, friends. So greatly Loved!

Feeling Better, Feeling Worse (How women's events really make us feel!)

Have you ever noticed when you’re in a room full of women, everyone seems to be sizing up everyone else? Some women enter confidently, some approach with questions, and others slip in and slide into the corner unnoticed. The bold flaunt airs (whether overtly or subtly) while the insecure hope no one notices their inadequacies. Why do we as woman play this constant comparison game? She has it all together, so I must not measure up in some way. And when someone else is struggling, it just makes us feel all the better about ourselves.

We take extra time before going to meet with ladies to fix our hair, our clothes, our kids, our face, our attitudes. What mask do I need to wear today in order to feel good about myself? I wonder how many compliments I will get today (about my outfit, my kids, or the dish that I cooked)? We look for those don’t we? We walk away with a count, and if we didn’t get enough we try to change something for the next time so that our “approval meter” is filled.

Call it what you may, competing, comparing, judging, insecurity, longing – it all boils right back down to idolatry. God has been showing me recently that my competitive nature, my judgmental heart, my inclination to desire the applause of men, is really rooted in a desire to be worshiped. What is this tendency to desire the praise of men? Where does it come from? And what can I do about it? Because in my deepest heart, I long to worship and glorify God alone!

In 1 Corinthians chapter 4, Paul addresses the judgmental attitudes of the Corinthians. He asks three rather rhetorical questions: For who sees anything different in you? What do you have that you did not receive?

And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?

Background

The Corinthian Church was primarily an outcropping of Paul’s ministry. After having left the region, he began to hear of divisions and sins that began creeping into the Church body. The country of Corinth was well-to-do – located on an isthmus between two bodies of water and two masses of land, it was a crossroads for the Grecian culture. The city was fed by a constant water supply from a natural spring, “protected by” the patron saint of seamen, “blessed by” the goddess of love, booming economically, and for all intents and purposes was rich, well established, and deeply rooted in sin culture. Some of their falling back into old practices was ignorance, yet some of it was familiarity. (How often I am here – self focus is natural…) Paul found out that they were esteeming certain teachers over and above others, and they had the mentality that they had already arrived at their “kingdom.” So he admonishes their judging hearts, emphasizes that which is not seen (the hidden things in darkness that will be exposed by the light), and asks them the three questions to really get them thinking about their judgmental attitudes in a truthful way!

Question #1 - 1 Corinthians 4:7 – “For who sees anything different in you?”

Question #2 - 1 Corinthians 4:7 “What do you have that you did not receive?”

Question #3 - 1 Corinthians 4:7 – “And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?”

Question #1 – 1 Corinthians 4:7 – “For who sees anything different in you?”

 I found my answers to this question ironic. As I think back to my Jr. High and High School days, and even some in college, I found myself frequently trying to look like, act like, and talk like those kids that I thought were popular or well liked. I wanted the same approval they had. I wanted to “fit in.” The crazy thing about this is that I wanted to fit in so that I could stand out. My current struggle, however, is more defined: I want something unique to offer the world around me – something that no one else can. I want to be the best at one thing. Even if it’s a small thing, I want to be approved, I want to win – I want to be the best so that I can feel people giving me worth. (AKA: Giving me worship)

Paul gives us a reality check in this passage. "Therefore, judge nothing before the appointed time, wait until the Lord comes, He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time, each will receive their praise from God” (1 Corinthians 4:5). I have no right to judge the women around me because I can neither see nor know their hearts. And when we start talking about hearts, ultimately, we all wind up on a level playing field from God’s view. Romans 3:23 states that all have sinned, and James 2:10 goes on to explain that even if we keep the law in every way except one, we are still guilty of breaking the entirety of the law. Being separated from God due to sin, we are all deserving of death. Praise be to God that the death he died, he died to sin, once for ALL (Romans 6:10).

Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior, but now Christ has reconciled you to himself through death to present you Holy in His sight, without blemish, and free from accusation. (Colossians 1:21-22)

So, Christ, who sees the heart, knows the thoughts, see our past, our present, and our future as the Great I AM, sees me, you, and our sisters in Christ as equals. Made in His image we sinned and fell short. We deserved death, and he came in order to reconcile us back to himself. Now, through His blood, we are holy. I am holy. You are holy, and we owe all worship to our Savior. In God’s eyes, we are saved, rescued, redeemed, clothed in the righteousness of his son, worthy, holy, and approved! When our vision begins to clear, and we can see ourselves and our sisters for who we really are, the comparison games can all step aside. We all reside on a level playing field!

The next two questions seem to address one of two perceptions we as women have of ourselves in relation to others: superiority or inferiority.

Question #2 - 1 Corinthians 4:7 “What do you have that you did not receive?” (Superiority)

Here, Paul is addressing believers here who are stuck in the pride of self-made righteousness. The “dos.” Many of the Corinthian believers resorted to a mentality of working hard and receiving all the glory for their achievements – how often I find myself here too! Throughout my growing up years, I looked at the Fruit of the Spirit as actions that I needed to work harder at so that I could be more like God. If only I could make myself more patient, more kind, more joyful, more self-controlled, if I could just work hard enough, maybe I could finally be a “good Christian girl.”

But it doesn’t work that way. Ephesians 2:8-9 tells us that our salvation is through grace, not by works that we have done – so that we cannot boast! Furthermore, if we look at the idea of a fruit producing plant, we see that it must be supported and fed by something (the roots). A plant can never bear fruit of its own effort or desire, but must remain connected to the main vine/root system.

When I think I have the power to produce my own fruit, it’s pride. I don’t like that word. I don’t like the people it compares me to – the sons of Noah at the tower of Babel, Ahab, the rich young ruler, the prodigal son’s brother. Pride is anything that has I at the center of it. Look what I have done, what my hands have made, the weight I lost, the kids I have, the dish I made, the gift I gave. It’s all about me, me, me.

Proverbs tells us that pride brings a man low and that it is an abomination to the Lord. 1 Peter 5:5 – God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Christ Himself, even though equal with God in all respects, did not take advantage of that equality, but humbled himself and became a servant – thinking of others before he thought of himself. (Phil. 2)

When my thinking about all that I have been given is redeemed, I can see myself in light of Christ and then learn to walk in humility as Christ did – no longer taking pride in something I did not even accomplish for myself, but learning to see myself in sober judgment and thinking of others as more important than myself, in turn, directing all worship back to God, to whom it is due!

Question #3 - 1 Corinthians 4:7 – “And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?” (Inferiority)

Here we see the pendulum swing is to the other extreme – the stereotypical Eeyore – “woe is me, I’m not gifted like anyone else, how could I ever be that good?” Sometimes, this mentality is a result of years of wounds, sometime it is misinformation, sometime it is lack of knowledge, and sometimes I swing to this side when once again, I am “trying” to humble myself – not realizing that this false humility puts me in the same place as my pride.

True humility is knowing who God is, knowing who you are, and knowing where they each properly belong. I think many Christians get the idea that humility is an Eeyore sort of mentality. Unfortunately, this “woe is me” mentality is also pride in its own light – inward self-focus. “I” is once again at the center. When I find myself in this position, I’m still longing for my own worship, rather than turning my eyes toward Christ. I just get the feeling that it could never happen – but that doesn’t mean it’s not still what I am looking for.

Back to Reality

Paul is urging the Corinthians to seek, know, understand, and admit all that they have been given. He goes on to say: Already you have all you want. (They had direct access to God, they had been given salvation, blessed with the holy Spirit, rescued, redeemed, reconciled) Already you have become rich. (They were blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, they were co-heirs with Christ.) You have become kings. (They were royalty, a chosen generation, a royal people – a people belonging to God).

Final Thoughts

Our judgmental attitudes will only disappear when we begin to humble ourselves as Jesus did. When we can look at the people we interact with and see that we all start on level playing fields, when we understand that our righteous standing in God’s eyes does not depend on our own works, and when we grasp the reality of how blessed we are in Christ, we too will be able to walk as Jesus walked – in humble surrender and in the Spirit’s power.

Lord, give us your grace and strength to uproot deep seeded pride in our lives and to walk in light of who we are because of your grace and how you want to use us to impact the world!

To the Mom with the Puking Kid in the CFA Bathroom

Hi Friend! Can I call you friend? After all, we are all part of the same enormous family. To say I was a bit surprised when you rushed through the door cradling your daughter in your arms would be an accurate statement. But appalled? No. Bothered? Nope, not even really that. Though I’m sure the same mortified look that graced your face would have been plastered on my own as well had I been in your shoes last night.

But that’s how things are, aren’t they? When our own child does something that goes against the social norm – whether it’s puking in a restaurant, or throwing a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store – We look around wondering what the old man must think of us now, or how the other mom in the bathroom  must be chiding us for bringing our sick child out in public, and we feel just awful for what we put the employees through (whether cleaning up remnants of lunch or the shattered glass spaghetti sauce jar that the one year old threw to the ground – yes, that happened to me). And these moments are hard. Really hard! But they happen. Life happens. And we get caught in the middle of it sometimes.

I’m so sorry for any rude comments that came your way as a result of last night. To be honest, I’m glad for your sake it was at Chick-fil-A and not another restaurant as the grace of the employees covers nearly any offense in that place. I’m sorry if there were other customers that were more concerned about their own comfort than in assisting a struggling momma in her moment of need. I assure you, this wasn’t your fault.

As you think back over the events and decisions of your day, second guessing where you went wrong and wishing so desperately that you could go back and just change one thing to undo the embarrassment of the evening, don’t beat yourself up. There’s no way you could have known your daughter wasn’t up for a chicken sandwich. You made your decisions based on the information you had at the time. You did your best. You’re still a good momma!

Sometimes, we as women like to look at the mommas around us, convinced that they must have it all together – never aware that their insecurities run as deep as ours. And isn’t that why we judge and condemn one another anyhow? It makes us feel better to make someone else feel worse. It makes us feel bigger to make someone else feel smaller. I guarantee you that no mother makes it through life without embarrassment, frustration, and regret. Not one!

I’m proud of you, friend. The way you handled yourself, the way your cared for your daughter – I saw how you loved her. Thank you for not chiding or making her feel guilty for something she couldn’t control.

So when you think back to last night and rushing down the aisle to the bathroom, do me a favor, k? Give yourself a little grace! I’m willing to. And the next time you see me with a puking kid in the bathroom, you can pass it back my way.

The Lie and the Truth of the Failing Mom

“Failure!” I heard it scream in my heart. “Failure!” You’re leaving your kids with unmet needs. You’re incapable of getting your baby to stay asleep. You’re pushing your oldest through his schoolwork. You’re doing too much housework. You’re not working out enough. “Failure!” I heard threatening my identity when I didn’t hear the phone the 5^th time my husband called, and I didn’t hear the doorbell the three times he rang it. “Failure!” It’s all my fault he’s late for work.

Each day, one moment is melting into another as I get lost in the swirl and chaos of four little boys age 5 and under. The oldest needs help with school. The youngest needs his most basic biological needs met (which for anyone who has never had experience with an infant, it takes a lot of time to do so!!!). The two in the middle – well, where do they fit in? I try to find things for them to play with, watch, of do (shoot, I’m probably letting them watch too many movies right now – failure!) while I help the oldest and the youngest. And somewhere in here, someone has to make meals, feed kids, wipe bums, change diapers, clean dishes, clean clothes, bathe bodies and wipe snotty noses. (Forget mamma getting a shower – who has time for that?)

Try to get up early? Yep, tried – but when you get 3-4 hours of sleep because said littlest has needs overnight, you don’t even hear your alarm go off in the morning. Tried getting naps too, but my brain won’t slow down long enough to let me relax.

So this is where I’ve found myself this afternoon – on my couch with my computer, coffee, and a cookie (mamma’s got to get some endorphins from somewhere) willing that my youngest does not awake from his afternoon nap too early.

I’ve had experience with these emotions before. They are nothing new. I’ve heard that word – failure – it’s all too familiar.

I’ve come to see this for what it is – a lie.
And I’ve come to see this for what it is – the truth.

The Lie

Let me explain. The truth of the matter is that my kids are alive. They are well fed. They are hearing the word of God on a regular basis. They are getting hugs and kisses, and for the most part, plenty of sleep. The oldest is learning to read and do his addition. My house is not a pig sty. Most days we have clean clothes to wear – and I get a shower at least once a week! All of this signifies that I’m not “failing” on a routine basis.

That’s why this is a lie! there’s only one who wants me to feel a failure in this way (my enemy). Why? Because he wants me to give up. He doesn’t like the potential of what it could look like for parents to raise four boys for the glory of their Creator. That scares him. So if he can just get me to get discouraged and think it’s not worth it or that I cannot do it, I may just give up and decrease the potential of the amazing impact my boys could have on the world around them. (Do not lose heart in doing good – for in due time, you will receive a reward if you do not give up!)

The Truth

The truth of the matter is that this word. This “failure” is in fact very true. I have yet to meet a woman who can do it all – the perfect house, the perfect kids (especially when there is more than one), the perfect decisions to please everyone around her, the perfect body, etc. And I am no exception to the rule. 

That's why this is the truth! There’s only One who wants me to feel a failure in this way (my Savior). Why? Because until I can admit my inadequacies, I cannot accept His all sufficiency. Because until I can admit my weakness, I cannot grasp His Strength. Because until I can confess my foolishness, I cannot understand His wisdom. (For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength).

It’s only when I realize my failings that I can begin to trust God’s sovereignty. It’s only when I come to Him with empty hands that He can fill them. His grace is sufficient. His strength is made perfect in my weakness – so it is, when I am weak, I am strong.

I, myself, am a failure. I cannot do it. But Christ in me is more than enough – and when I live out of that truth, I see that He will do exceedingly more than I could ask or think. For my God is enough. His presence in me is enough. And he makes my failures into more than enough to be used for His glory!

Edit March 2020: 

The original post was created five years ago. In all honesty, it hasn't gotten easier - just different. We've added two boys, moved to a smaller house, weathered a mental health crisis, and now we sit in self-quarantine during the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic. Life is hard, and perhaps it always will be. But through it all, I have discovered that my pursuit of truth and the glory of God is crucial in maintaining proper perspective. 

None of us are enough for this job of mothering (and many who have just been thrust into full time stay-at-home-home-school-mom status due to this crisis may feel beyond overwhelmed!) I see you. I care! If you can find even a moment today (put on a virtual field trip for the kids or send them to the backyard to run around) to breathe, take it. Find a spot of beauty (a house plant, a warm shower, a photo album, some music). Take a minute to just be. Realize that Christ is here - even in the midst of this chaos. He is still in control. His strength is still enough. 

He's got this, Mamma! He's got you! And you've got this in His strength! Take your next step with Him today, and trust Him for the one after that. Grace and Peace!

Groundhog Marathon 2014

It’s come, and it’s gone – Groundhog day, that is, and the Groundhog Marathon in Grand Rapids with it. The questions have started rolling in – as I figured they would. “So, how did it go?” “What was your time?” “How was the course, the weather, etc..?” Long story, short……I didn’t finish. I withdrew after only one loop on the course (4.4 miles.) For some of you that may be enough information, for others (who want more details) keep reading.

To say that yesterday wasn’t what I expected would be an understatement. J and I followed a traditional marathon training schedule with our 20 miler happening three weeks ago with a gradual taper afterward. We had been running both indoors and out in order to prepare our bodies/mind for the cold. The temps didn’t seem to be too much of an issue, and we had run in snow (with Yak Tracks) several times.

The groundhog day course was described as a 4.4 mile paved park path with beautiful scenery. They were hoping for some snow to add an element of fun. Sounded all well and good to us…..Needless to say, this winter has blessed us with more than a “little” snow, and with a snowstorm that rolled in on Saturday, the path was adequately covered Sunday morning – and not just covered, the snow drifts were up to 18 inches in some places! They did not plow the path at all, yet, being at the back of the pack, most times, we were only running through 4-10 inches of snow at any given moment. 

Having heard some of the pre-race comments, I had prepared myself mentally for a more grueling course than expected, so as thoughts of doubts came up, I pushed them away, refocusing my mind on the prayer cards in my hands. 

Unfortunately, the amount of snow slowed our pace so much so that we were being passed up by other runners quite frequently. (And because the trodden path was so narrow, we got pushed into the snow banks when they wanted to get by quickly as their shoes slipped on the slush and many nearly lost balance – there was much bumping into one another….) The repetitive motion of being pushed up onto the right side of the trail and my leg sliding back down under me from off the uneven elevation caused a pull in my outer quad before the first mile marker. I attempted to compensate by keeping my legs more evenly under my body, but this caused more intense effort on the part of my calves as my ankles twisted and tugged with the sliding motion. We hit mile 1 after 20 minutes, Mile 2 after 45. My body ached, and I was seriously starting to deal with some self-doubt. This is not what I had signed up for!

I was starting to notice that my right calf was aching each time it slipped off the edge and back onto the path, and by mile 3 (after 1 hour 15 minutes), I was experiencing sharp pain with nearly every step (yes, by this point, we had slowed to a hiking pace). I couldn’t stand the thought of quitting! I hated that it was even becoming an option. To quit is to fail, I don’t care how much pain I am in! 

At the beginning of the race, the director had announced that anyone could drop down to a half-marathon distance if they decided they wanted to. This thought also crossed my mind. At our current pace (which I couldn’t really go faster without risking even more damage to my already injured calf) we would never finish the 26.2 miles in the time allotted. So even if I pushed to finish the mileage, I may still not finish. Should I drop down to 13.1? What would people think? How would I describe what I did? And that was still failing to me. 

J noticed that I was in pain. I asked him what we should do. We talked. We prayed. The thought of having to explain this all to everyone was overwhelming. By this point (mile 3.5) many of the racers were now walking. Elite runners were making comments about the course, about their time (one runner stated that she wouldn’t finish the first loop in the time she finished her last half marathon). Many were considering dropping down to the half or dropping the race all together. We plodded on while we considered our options. As I prayed, I realized that my focus should not be on what other people would think of me, but what would God think? Would I let him down if I didn’t finish? Would I disappoint him if I withdrew from the race? What was our ultimate purpose in this marathon, anyway? Was it not to lift other people up to the throne of grace? Grace: undeserved favor…. I definitely wouldn’t be deserving if I didn’t finish. 

It only took a couple more times of the sheering force on my ankle and calf to make the decision for me. I asked J if I could be honest with him. At mile 4, I made the decision that I should not try to complete another loop for the risk of a more permanent injury. This was one of the most difficult decisions I have ever had to make. If you know anything about me, you know that not completing a goal is one of the worst violations of my personality. My heart was breaking. I knew at the same time, I still wanted to be there for my husband, and I didn’t want my injury to hold him back. So I gave him the freedom to complete what he felt like he should. As we crossed the lap line, (at 1 hour 48 minutes) I informed the director that I would be withdrawing, and J decided to cut back to the half marathon. 

J crossed the finish of the half at 4 hours 22 minutes (He finished his last half in 2 hours 27 minutes – if that tells you anything about the course) . During that time that J was continuing to push through the race, I was continuing to push through in prayer. I still accomplished the purpose we started out with – everyone who made it on my prayer list was lifted up to God despite the circumstances.

I struggle now, even as I write this – all I really wanted to do, post-race, was to crawl right down in that hole with that groundhog and hide out for the next six weeks. I’m embarrassed. I’m hurt. I’m frustrated at the circumstances. I deal with questions, and tears come. Sure, I could have taken a “shrug it off” approach… “It’s all good. I’m fine.” But that’s not being real. Or I could have taken a “woe is me” approach and just sulked about the conditions. Both would have been easier than admitting the truth. But this is what I’m called to, and in the midst of this, I realize another truth……

God is still sovereign. He knew exactly how this race was going to play out before we even signed up for it. He knew how difficult the training would be. He knew the weather conditions (he controls them, go figure). And he knew about my injury before I even knew I’d fall in love with running. And I can rest in the fact that he is in control, he is not surprised, and his grace is sufficient. And I am convinced – even if I cannot see it right now – God is cultivating my heart even through my perceived failures. 

If you have made it this far, you are a true friend! I thank you. Thank you for listening. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for opening your heart to mine. And I ask for your prayers now – pray for me as I go forward. Pray for wisdom. Pray that God would be glorified. And pray that I would ever pursue Him more fully! Soli Deo Gloria!

 
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If Not You, Then Who?

This morning, I started my seeking time by asking God why I felt like my time with Him had been so dry recently. The richness has faded, the passion no longer what it used to be. I found myself asking Him to search my heart, to know it, to show me if there be any wicked way in me...

His reply, "Hannah, take your eyes off yourself."

God revealed to me a heart of selfishness in my prayer life recently. "God I need...I'm weary...I want...meet me...help me...use me..." My intercession for those around me has been severely lacking. I confessed this to my Father, and I spent my time this morning just lifting up those in my family - my husband, my boys, my parents, my siblings, their spouses, my in-laws, my friends, my pastors, and our national leaders.

Here's a quick visual of what God showed me this morning.... if my eyes/prayers remain solely on myself, here's the potential of my impact...

However, if I take the time, energy, and effort to get on my knees just for my family, here's the potential of the impact that they, their families, and their communities could have in the process of revival in this nation...

 

 

Can you imagine if more that one person started calling out to God for revival not only in their own life, but in the lives of their families....what would our nation look like over the next 12 months? What kind of impact could your family have?

Would you join me in calling out to God for revival not only in your own life, but in the lives of your family members...look at what God could do with just one willing generation!

 



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Escaping the Monster

I felt like no matter where I turned or how fast I ran, the monster was always chasing me. I was trying so hard to live in my new found freedom, but somehow these imprints of my past kept breaking loose of their chains, and though not catching me, would still make me feel like all my work was failing.

From my point of view, my actions had matched the "standards of holiness," yet, every time I turned around someone else was assuming that in the midst of that stressful situation, I would resort to former patterns: snapping at them, blaming, or getting angry. Before I even had a chance to respond in a new way, my old habits were slapped back on my chest like a scarlet letter I carried around. I couldn't escape it.

How do you escape the monsters of your past? The sin that has held you in condemnation for so long? The patterns and habits that everyone assumes are "just you." Or the feeling that you could never rise above failures so deep?

I was praying through this the other morning after a really tough day, and this is where I was lead....

- Take the road of humility. Confess. Maybe my life wasn't living up to all the standards I had assumed it was. Maybe these people saw something in me that I was blind to. My spirit and my actions may not have matched (though I was "doing the right thing," maybe my heart wasn't in it, and the heart is what really counts) So I searched my heart. Lord, show me the reality of what you see. He did! And some of it was ugly. 1 John 1:9 says that if we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. So I confessed. I got on my knees and got my heart right before God. Then I returned to these people, and got my heart right before them.

- Realize you are incapable. The book of Romans clearly states that all have sinned and there is no one who seeks God. I, in my humanness, have no bent to seek God, no power to pursue holiness, and no desire to see revival. When I come to this realization, I must daily, moment by moment, cry out, "GOD I NEED YOU!" It's when we acknowledge our reliance on Him that He comes. God loves to hear His people admit their need of Him. What I don't want to do is live in pride. If I think my pursuit of God relies on me, that's when I will fall!

- Rejoice that you are not condemned. There is therefore, now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1. In Christ's eyes, we are washed under His blood and clothed in His holiness. The sins of our past are washed away as far as the east is from the west. He chooses to remember them no more and will not condemn those who stand right before Him. The sins of the past, whether one time or reoccurring, have been removed from your record once they have been laid before the cross of Christ. Even my former patterns of stress, striving, anger, assuming, and blaming no longer bind me. I am not held in the chains of my past! Praise the Lord.

If your heart is right before God, do not let the condemnation of others mark you. You are FREE!

That's how I escaped the monsters of my past...

Tomorrow, I will once again spend extended time seeking His face in my own life, in the lives of my family, friends, church, community and nation. I've been praying that God will raise up a group of believers who will also Seek Him Passionately and Wholeheartedly. WILL YOU JOIN ME?

By His strength, seeking Him. By His grace, pursuing His holiness. By His strength, desiring revival.
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