To the Mom with the Puking Kid in the CFA Bathroom

Hi Friend! Can I call you friend? After all, we are all part of the same enormous family. To say I was a bit surprised when you rushed through the door cradling your daughter in your arms would be an accurate statement. But appalled? No. Bothered? Nope, not even really that. Though I’m sure the same mortified look that graced your face would have been plastered on my own as well had I been in your shoes last night.

But that’s how things are, aren’t they? When our own child does something that goes against the social norm – whether it’s puking in a restaurant, or throwing a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store – We look around wondering what the old man must think of us now, or how the other mom in the bathroom  must be chiding us for bringing our sick child out in public, and we feel just awful for what we put the employees through (whether cleaning up remnants of lunch or the shattered glass spaghetti sauce jar that the one year old threw to the ground – yes, that happened to me). And these moments are hard. Really hard! But they happen. Life happens. And we get caught in the middle of it sometimes.

I’m so sorry for any rude comments that came your way as a result of last night. To be honest, I’m glad for your sake it was at Chick-fil-A and not another restaurant as the grace of the employees covers nearly any offense in that place. I’m sorry if there were other customers that were more concerned about their own comfort than in assisting a struggling momma in her moment of need. I assure you, this wasn’t your fault.

As you think back over the events and decisions of your day, second guessing where you went wrong and wishing so desperately that you could go back and just change one thing to undo the embarrassment of the evening, don’t beat yourself up. There’s no way you could have known your daughter wasn’t up for a chicken sandwich. You made your decisions based on the information you had at the time. You did your best. You’re still a good momma!

Sometimes, we as women like to look at the mommas around us, convinced that they must have it all together – never aware that their insecurities run as deep as ours. And isn’t that why we judge and condemn one another anyhow? It makes us feel better to make someone else feel worse. It makes us feel bigger to make someone else feel smaller. I guarantee you that no mother makes it through life without embarrassment, frustration, and regret. Not one!

I’m proud of you, friend. The way you handled yourself, the way your cared for your daughter – I saw how you loved her. Thank you for not chiding or making her feel guilty for something she couldn’t control.

So when you think back to last night and rushing down the aisle to the bathroom, do me a favor, k? Give yourself a little grace! I’m willing to. And the next time you see me with a puking kid in the bathroom, you can pass it back my way.

Jericho's Wall

May 25, 2013

Living out of the deepest parts of my heart in today’s world is really difficult. One of the reasons I believe it is so hard to live fully alive is due to the evil that is so prevalent and the fear that surrounds my heart and soul. Be guarded. Watch out for bad guys. Always be alert. Protect yourself. Fists up and ready to fight. Soul words of life in this jaded world. And that’s not at all original design. God destined us for something so much deeper – intimacy with Him!

 

Someone once said that if you break that word down “in-to-me-see” it makes a lot more sense. But when my heart and soul is surrounded by Jericho’s wall, how can anyone see in? I guess it takes a scout – can I be my own, or do I need someone else? A scout must come in, scale the wall, climb over, and start searching for what is really there – behind the fearful faces, underneath the armor, in the inner locked chambers. Then take report back to the captain. When he hears the report, decisions must be made about how to start tearing down the walls…Do you fight them possibly creating more fear in the heart? Do you march silently? Do you blow trumpets? Do you kneel to pray? When the walls start to tumble, chaos may ensue, and when they finally reach the ground, the heart must be cradled. As reassurance of safety returns, the boulders and rubble can begin to be cleaned and put away – hopefully never to be rebuilt.

 

It’s a fortress for sure – not just a stick and mud kind of wall. It’s been learned from wounds and fears of wounds. My safety is in my hardness. Yet once again, I feel unwhole. Broken. Though encompassed around, I feel vulnerable. Build it higher, be on guard, watch out, be afraid, you may get hurt. But no matter what, it never seems to be enough. I feel empty and full to exploding at the same time. I feel longing and fear in the same moment. I was made for so much more – for life, not death. To breathe, not suffocate. For relationship, not isolation.

 

Lord, I’m ready to be free from Jericho’s fear – take me back to Eden where I can be naked and unashamed (I wonder if that word also means without fear?) Thank you that you created me with a heart that’s meant to be known. Help me to know it well and to trust your protection of both my heart and my life.

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