Loving God and Loving our Neighbor in the Midst of the COVID-19 Crisis: 7 Ways a Christian can Respond

I pulled into the Aldi parking lot, and I was curious that there were so many cars. It’s not the beginning of the month, it’s not even a typical bi-weekly pay week for most people. Why are there so many people here on a Thursday evening?

You see, Thursday evenings are my typical weekly shopping trip while my oldest is at Karate. I had a few of my other boys with me, so we took our time finding a parking spot and unloading. We got our cart and headed in. I started gathering the groceries that I needed, somewhat surprised that Aldi had not kept up on their stock this week. Bread, can goods, cereals all picked over. People’s carts were loaded. Something was going on.

By now, most of you might wonder how I didn’t know what the mad rush was. What, is she naive? How does she not know about the impending Armageddon? I was very well aware of growing concerns of the COVID-19 virus causing some issues in the US. I’m a nurse. I get state issued health bulletins which recently have encouraged good hand hygiene, staying home if you’re sick, and limiting large gatherings. But what I couldn’t understand was the mad rush to stock up – that is, until I was getting my milk.

I had my five-year-old reach in the refrigerator door and pull out one gallon. That’s all we needed this week. A lady walked up behind me and curtly stated, “You may want to get more than that. The US is going to be put under mandatory quarantine for four weeks! They’re going to announce it Monday! I have a good source! He’s in the military!” She continued her rant as she moved on behind other people leaving in her wake a current of fear and chaos.

For a moment, my heart started beating faster. Why hadn’t I heard this? Why hadn’t the state health bulletins told us it was coming to this? I thought about grabbing a bunch of canned goods, boxed goods, frozen meals. I mentally analyzed my pantry, what did I need to get us through four weeks? Diapers? Cereal? Toilet paper? Too late on that last one as most of the toilet paper was already gone.

I realized what I was doing – reeling in assumptive panic based on a random woman’s comments in Aldi. I took a deep breath and calmed myself. I thought through the logic of that actually happening and considered the source of the information that had turned my normal shopping trip on its emotional head. I spoke truth to myself and considered wisdom in this situation. What was my mission as a believer in Christ living in a culture that is panicking?

Our country is in panic mode. Fear is reigning. People are responding out of desperation. Ironically, similar things were seen before during Y2K, when SARS was active, or when the H1N1 strain came to the US. As believers in Christ, we are not supposed to respond as the culture does in these times of crisis. What is the greatest commandment? Love the Lord your God. The second is like it, love your neighbor as yourself. This is our mission. This is the standard we are to hold in times of peace and times of fear.

So, in the midst of the COVID-19 chaos, how are we supposed to love God and love our neighbor?

Do Not Give Way to Fear

The major pandemic right now is not this virus. It is the fear being created and mass panic resulting in irrational behavior. As believers in Jesus Christ, we are called to rise above fear.

As I loaded my groceries in my trunk and the cars continued to flood the parking lot with people literally running into the store, I heard the birds chirping. I closed my eyes and simply listened. I remembered a conversation Jesus had with some of his followers. Consider the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap or store away in barns and yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not more valuable than they? Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself (Matthew 6:26, 34). I breathed deep the goodness of God, and I smiled as I passed my cart to the next panicked shopper.

Our God created this world out of nothing. He sustains all things by his powerful word. He spoke a word and the blind saw, the lame leapt, the sick were healed, and the dead were raised. He conquered death, hell, and broke down the dividing walls of separation.

When I live in fear, I am denying the power of God and trying to grasp control like trying to hold sand as it slips through my fingers. He is all powerful. How can I think that our sovereign God is not aware of this virus and does not have the power to provide for our needs? He knows the very hairs of my head and the number of grains of sand by the sea.

Trusting God, choosing not to fear, this is one way of loving God in this time of uncertainty.

Continue to Engage in Worship

We’ve heard from many of our churches. Some states are limiting large gatherings. This may affect the ways that you engage in worship time or community. But don’t let that be an excuse for taking a break from your pursuit of God. God is found by those who seek him. And Jesus is enthroned on the praises of his people.

Take the extra time from cancelled events, church related or otherwise, to get quiet before God. Tell him your concerns. He cares. Ask him how you can meet needs around you. Praise him for his protection and his provision. The sun rises and sets each day only by His command. Worship Him in the splendor of His holiness.

If your church offers streamed services, gather with a small group of friends or simply stream them in your own home. If this isn’t an option for you, many quality Gospel messages can be found on YouTube. Some of my favorites are Matt Chandler, Francis Chan, and John Piper. Allow your soul to be soaked in the truth of God’s word. It’s the one thing that can combat the mass hysteria in our culture right now.

Let’s continue to express our love to God even when we can’t do so corporately!

Know the Source of Your Information

The woman that created that sense of fear in my heart was not a quality source of information for me. More than likely, she is simply viscerally reacting to fear inducing news stories and maybe a conversation with a friend.

My family has determined that it is not healthy for us mentally or emotionally to engage in the news media. We do not watch national or local news shows. We do not follow the news on social media. We are well aware that the large majority of these sources blow stories out of the water creating cultures of fear, anger, and anxiety. The media leads our culture. And the more we engage in it, the more likely our hearts are to be led astray as well. We also realize that we need to have some form of information when it comes to current events. Personally, we choose to follow Christo-centric news sources such as Family Research Counsel and the Heritage Foundation. We also look for accurate and up to date information from original sources such as legislation in action, CDC, and the state health bulletins. If you choose to engage in the national or local news sources, please be aware that they typically only share what is most exciting or scary. They thrive on inducing fear. And their storytelling is typically embellished to make things more interesting.

Use wisdom. Be aware of where you are getting your information. Let’s love our neighbors by proclaiming truth and wisdom, not inciting fear and panic from non-credible sources.

Use Common Sense

Most of what is being recommended by the national health agencies right now should be common practice anyway. Hand washing was shown to have significant impact on decreasing the transmission of bacteria and viruses back in the 1850s (History of Handwashing). For some reason, it has lost popularity. Please wash your hands after touching high traffic surfaces – door knobs, light switches, tables, store check out counters, and restaurant tables. By all means, wash after using the restroom and before you eat. Common hand soap and running water for twenty seconds is sufficient. This is not hypervigilance, this is common sense.

Please stay home if you are feeling ill. The concern here is possible exposure to vulnerable populations and the continuation of spread of a virus. Elderly, and those with underlying health issues are most susceptible to long term health issues from this virus. We can love our neighbors by not unduly exposing them.

Please don’t overrun your hospitals for concerns over common colds. Know the symptoms of the virus, and seek medical help only if necessary. We need to manage our health personnel in a way that keeps them available for those who need them most.

Please don’t go crazy buying tons of hand sanitizer, Lysol, and medical masks. Our health industry – nurses, doctors and first responders need access to these as they are caring for those who truly are ill. If you wash your hands, don’t touch your face, and stay home when you’re ill, your need of these items are not essential.

Prepare but Don’t Panic

A major issue with mass stockpiling is the issue of supply and demand. Evidence is already speaking to this as bottles of hand sanitizer are going for hundreds of dollars on Amazon. Shelves are empty of diapers, toilet paper, canned goods and frozen meals. If I had jumped into the chaos stocking hundreds of diapers and rolls of toilet paper clearing the shelves of reserves, what would happen when the mom down to her last diaper needs one? Some people are not in a financial situation to stockpile and have to buy groceries and supplies as they are able. If the shelves are empty or the prices exorbitant, they will wind up lacking their needs.

As a Christian, I cannot simply consider my own needs, I am told to love my neighbor as myself. And I cannot reconcile mass stockpiling with considering the paycheck to paycheck single mom down the street.

Wisely, when it comes to being prepared, it might be prudent to have a week or two of shelf stable items in your home in case you get ill and need to stay away from others. This keeps you from exposing others at the store or pharmacy. When I was at Aldi, I decided that one extra box of diapers, a couple boxes of instant oatmeal, and some boxed mac which would give us a few extra options if we were home bound for a few days.

Consider Other’s Needs

As you think about how this crisis, possible shutdowns, and cancellation of events effects you, don’t forget to consider how the effect others as well.

What of the elderly lady who is home bound? Does she need groceries? Someone to pick up her medications? What of the poverty level kids who are not able to get meals at school for the next few weeks? Are their local programs you could donate to? Could you prep some meals or drop off some lunch items to a neighbor who may be hurting?

How can we be the body, the hands and feet, of Jesus in this time of Crisis? Look for the needs around you. Ask God to show you how to love your neighbor well. He will. Then act – out of love. 
Not fear!

Continue to Live Your Life

It’s tempting in times like this to immerse ourselves in the current event and forget that each minute, each day, our children are growing, our families are aging, and moments are passing. Use these times when you are home more together to invest in each other. Play games. Ask questions. Snuggle. Spend extra time with your spouse. Make memories.

Communicate to your kids this current crisis in terms they can understand, but don’t create fear. Communicate truth. Love your kids by leading them to Jesus when they are afraid. (Your children are your neighbors too.)

Do what you do with excellence and for the glory of God. Even the eating, drinking, cleaning, and wiping baby bottoms are ways that we can bring God glory if we choose to serve Him by serving those He’s blessed us with. Love God by loving others!

Friends, God’s got this! Might it be possible to look at this situation as more of an opportunity than a threat? How can you choose to rise above? How can you choose to love God and love others in the midst of the COVID-19 crisis? May we love Him and love others well! 

"But it Hurts So Bad!" The Crucial Choice to Courageously Push Into the Pain or Hold Back in Fear

Thirteen hours! It has been thirteen hours of irregular contractions that had gotten stronger and led us to this point. This is not what I expected for the birth of our sixth son. None of my other labors had lasted this long, but it was finally time – finally time to push my little man into this world.

Finally, Time to Push

I assumed a comfortable (that term is relative) position in the birthing tub and waited for the next contraction. As it washed over me, I bore down into it just to the point of comfort. That’s what we had been taught in Bradley Classes and had worked before in our other births. I felt pressure and knew that was a good thing.

That contraction passed, and our midwife decided to get heart tones again. As she placed the probe on my belly, I breathed deep preparing myself for the next contraction. Lub dub, lub dub. My ears couldn’t escape the incredibly slow rate of the heartbeat of our little boy. I took a deep breath willing that the rate increase. It didn’t. My midwife assured me that it was just his descent through my pelvis and didn’t seem too worried.

The next contraction started to build, and I inhaled before bearing down again. I felt the familiar burn as his head came lower. I opened my eyes and caught my breath about to push again, when I noticed a bright red gush of blood. (Being a nurse, my brain immediately went into diagnosis mode.) I knew I hadn’t torn since he was not yet crowning. The only other probability of that kind of bleeding was that his placenta had detached as I was pushing. Suddenly, I realized that our little boy still inside me was no longer receiving oxygen from my body. The only way to help him at this point was to get him out and get him out fast!

Pushing Through

I didn’t even wait for the next contraction before starting to push again. His head descended and began to crown. The pressure, the burning! Guttural instinct made me want to wince and hold back. It hurt so bad! But I knew in this moment, the best way to protect my child was to push into that pain, no matter the cost to myself. I took another breath and began to roar like a mamma grizzly as I pushed into all of that pressure. My body stretching, burning, aching. I was scared, but I knew that in this moment, courage must overcome that fear. Bravery must prevail.

The worship music that I had playing provided encouragement for me to grasp as I let out a gasp and pushed again. Finally, his head emerged. The midwife was now instructing me to continue pushing to release his shoulders and abdomen. I heard the intensity in her tone and knew I could not rest just yet. Another breath, and this push took everything I had. His shoulders corkscrewed and released, and he slipped into my husbands waiting hands. The midwife helped to untangle a tight cord around his neck before I was able to lift him out of the water and bring him close.

Is He Okay?

When he emerged, he did not gasp, he did not grunt. He was blue, flaccid, and floppy. We immediately started rubbing his back, stimulating his little body for some sort of response. The midwife felt his cord, and his heart rate was present, but low. Panic rose in my chest. Had I done enough? Was he going to be okay? I wanted to cry, but the time was not right. We needed to get him breathing. The midwife started to pull out her resuscitation equipment. Another few seconds passed and then a mew, a grunt, a grimace. We were getting a response. That first cry allowed me to breathe a sigh of relief. His tone and his color were improving. He was going to be okay!

My son is now five-days-old and is doing well. It has taken me a while to process through this birth experience – so different from all of my others, and not exactly what I expected or dreamed for our last  birth, but as I’ve prayed and thought through the painful and fearful aspects of this birth, I’ve come to realize that the decision I was faced with that day is a decision that I’m faced with many days of my life.

When something hurts me, I have a choice to push into that pain in strength and courage or retreat in fear and self-preservation.

The Choices We Face

We all face these choices. The pain we encounter isn’t always physical like the pain of childbirth. Sometimes it’s the wounds from words or actions of a spouse, a parent, a close friend. It might be a disappointment of a dream unfulfilled – an engagement or marriage that falls through, the dream house that couldn’t be financed, the job that you were let go from, the empty arms when you long for a child. Maybe it's the pregnancy that was not in your plans or you're facing a chronic disease that does cause physical pain, fears, and so many unknowns. It could be you've lost a loved one, and the thought of continuing alone is terrifying. Or maybe it's an upcoming opportunity that is causing nervous fear that you might fail – a talent show, a job interview, a promotional venture, or a big move.

In each place that we are confronted with pain and fear, we are also met with a choice: to push into or run away from.

I don’t like to presume the worst, but in the case of the birth of our son, had I not risen to that challenge and pushed through the pain, he very well could have wound up brain injured due to lack of oxygenation. Or worse, it may have resulted in his death. And my lack of pushing through that pain in the moment would have caused tremendously more pain in the long run. My holding back would have been more comfortable for me in the moment, but it could have caused permanent pain on behalf of my son – or in my own heart had I lost him.

So what do I do when we face these fearful and painful circumstance and it’s easier to want to run?

Courage over Fear:

Realize Fear is About Me, Not Others

My desires to hold back my efforts in pushing were to facilitate my own comfort. Had I given into fear, it would have been all about me. I loved my son. I wanted what’s best for him. In order to push past the fear, I had to get my eyes off myself and consider my son as more important that me (Phil.2:3-4). 

Realize I’m Not Alone

One of the verses that continued to come up during my labor and birth was Isaiah 41:10. “Do not fear for I am with you. Do not be afraid for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you by my righteous right hand.” It’s easy to give into fear when I think I’m all alone. In those moments of pain, I had to grasp onto the faith that God promised he would never leave me nor forsake me (Deut. 31:6). I could lean hard into him when I was afraid knowing that I was not on my own.

Realize That the Outcome Does Not Stop at Me

When our son finally emerged from the water and into my arms, I immediately faced fear again of whether I had done enough. I remember as a teen and young adult, my dad would encourage me to work like it all depended on me, but to trust like it all depended on God. Or my pastor would state that God’s sovereignty does not undermine man’s responsibility.

As I’ve grown in my understanding of these exhortations, I’ve realized that the truth of what they were saying was more balanced than I initially understood. My trust in God doesn’t give me a right to be passive and simply wait for him to move, and sometimes that’s the temptation. Okay, You’re God. If you’re in control, what are you going to do to get me out of this? But had I taken that approach in the birth of my son, he would have been oxygen starved much longer than he was. I had to work. I had to put in effort even though it hurt. Then, I had to trust God with the results.

When I work hard, and push into the pain in strength and courage rather than running away in fear, the results may not always turn out perfectly. Sometimes, I may walk away feeling like a failure. Many times, I may have more questions than answers. The friendship may never blossom again. The disease may take over and take my independence away and suck the life out of me. The job may fall through.

But if I don’t try, if I don’t take a stand in courage, if I’m unwilling to push through the pain, I may never know the joy of the new life it might bring about on the other side. Courage over fear, my friends. Courage over fear!

“Have I not commanded you to be strong and courageous? Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

(The song that’s playing in my head and heart!)

Don't Go It Alone: How Hiding our Hurts Opens us to Enemy Influence

I feel the threat of attacks rising as the sun tempts to rise over the horizon. Lies of the enemy just waiting to push buttons of temptation. Anything he can do to keep me from basking in the glory of the Son and reflecting that glory to the world around me. When you feel isolated, your reflection only goes so far. And when one person feels like they aren’t even reaching another, they ask what’s the point? We were made in the image of God – in the likeness of the trinity – with an innate need for fellowship. And when that need goes unmet, we easily distort our perceptions of reality into contortions similar to mirrors in the funny house. Nothing makes sense, we don’t know which way is up or which way to turn. Confused and exhausted, it’s easy to ask, what’s the point? And desire to give up completely.

But the truth is, we are never alone. Never. For one, He has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” He is here. Always. And not only is he here, but his arms are open wide and he invites us into his loving embrace. Not condemning. Not chiding. Simply loving, forgiving, encouraging us on this difficult journey.

Secondly, we are being watched – by someone. Constantly. Spouse, kids, parents, siblings, social media contacts, the cashier at the grocery store, the person driving in the car next to you, the barista at starbucks, the teacher, the student, the patient, the coach, the athlete, the boss, the employee. And they too, each one of them is longing for connection whether they realize it or not. Naturally, as humans, we reach toward each other, even those we don’t know simply to be reminded that we are as human as they are. Each eye that watches you looks to catch a glimpse that there is maybe, possibly, more to this life than just surviving. They are looking for hope. They are looking to you. They are looking to me. No, we are not alone, we are very much surrounded.

But our enemy secures our blinders and makes sure we keep our eyes down so that we don’t make those connections. He wants us to feel alone. As Lysa Terkeurst says about our enemy, “If he can isolate us, he can influence us” (It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way, 150). Satan wants his voice to be the loudest sound we hear. Lies like: You’re a failure. You’re not good enough. You’re too much. It’s not worth it. Just give up. His purposes are clearly lined out in scripture. He has come to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). And what better way to steal our joy, kill our hope, and destroy our effectiveness than to bring us to a point of isolation and despair.

John 10:10 doesn’t stop there. Jesus goes on to say, “But I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” Life - made a living being, coming directly from the breath of God breathed into Adam and has been breathing into us by the power of his Spirit ever since. We are living creatures, Imago Dei – made in the likeness of God – and as such we are made for relationship. But when we hide due to our hurts, our wounds, and our fears, when we struggle with concern over what others think of our hearts, we isolate ourselves and open that door to being influenced by the enemy again.

Our Christian culture has convinced us that its most holy to be joyful (or at least be okay) with the difficulties. James 1 is oft quoted when trials arise, “Count it all joy.” And yes, that is our obligation – eventually. The problem arises when we don’t allow time for grief. Jesus wept over the death of Lazarus (even though he knew the truth of who He was and what he was about to do.) Jesus again mourned over Jerusalem (though he was about it rescue all who believed in Him through his sacrifice.) “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crusted in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). And in Romans 12, we are instructed to weep with those who weep.

Life hurts. It’s hard. This sin stained place is suspended between the fall of Paradise and the not yet fully redeemed. And it’s okay to grieve that. Grief, is good. Tears heal. Your wound may not look like mine, but that doesn't make it any less significant. Now may be my time for weeping. Now may be yours. Joy will come in the morning (maybe tomorrow, maybe days from now.) And the truth is, in the midst of our sorrow, we can still trust that God is good, that he works all things for good, and that He loves us. Oh, how he loves us.

For now, if you’re here (or if you’ve been here, but you’ve been encouraged to move on too quickly), I encourage you to stay for a while. Linger. Allow the feelings to surface, and pour out your heart to God – He is our refuge (Psalm 62:8) and he cares so very much for each little (or big) thing that has wounded his children’s hearts. Don’t stay alone in your pain. Share it with a friend. Talk to a counselor if you need to. Close the door to isolation, and close the door on the enemy’s influence. Jesus is Jehovah Rophe’ – our healer. And he will see to it that your wounds are well tended.

Friends, if someone opens up to you about their pain, listen, don’t preach. It’s okay for us to grieve. It’s okay for it to hurt. We can be sorrowful yet joyful in the hope of God’s glory at the same time. It is possible! Let’s get back to living life to the full like Jesus intended – in true fellowship with one another!

To the Mom with the Puking Kid in the CFA Bathroom

Hi Friend! Can I call you friend? After all, we are all part of the same enormous family. To say I was a bit surprised when you rushed through the door cradling your daughter in your arms would be an accurate statement. But appalled? No. Bothered? Nope, not even really that. Though I’m sure the same mortified look that graced your face would have been plastered on my own as well had I been in your shoes last night.

But that’s how things are, aren’t they? When our own child does something that goes against the social norm – whether it’s puking in a restaurant, or throwing a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store – We look around wondering what the old man must think of us now, or how the other mom in the bathroom  must be chiding us for bringing our sick child out in public, and we feel just awful for what we put the employees through (whether cleaning up remnants of lunch or the shattered glass spaghetti sauce jar that the one year old threw to the ground – yes, that happened to me). And these moments are hard. Really hard! But they happen. Life happens. And we get caught in the middle of it sometimes.

I’m so sorry for any rude comments that came your way as a result of last night. To be honest, I’m glad for your sake it was at Chick-fil-A and not another restaurant as the grace of the employees covers nearly any offense in that place. I’m sorry if there were other customers that were more concerned about their own comfort than in assisting a struggling momma in her moment of need. I assure you, this wasn’t your fault.

As you think back over the events and decisions of your day, second guessing where you went wrong and wishing so desperately that you could go back and just change one thing to undo the embarrassment of the evening, don’t beat yourself up. There’s no way you could have known your daughter wasn’t up for a chicken sandwich. You made your decisions based on the information you had at the time. You did your best. You’re still a good momma!

Sometimes, we as women like to look at the mommas around us, convinced that they must have it all together – never aware that their insecurities run as deep as ours. And isn’t that why we judge and condemn one another anyhow? It makes us feel better to make someone else feel worse. It makes us feel bigger to make someone else feel smaller. I guarantee you that no mother makes it through life without embarrassment, frustration, and regret. Not one!

I’m proud of you, friend. The way you handled yourself, the way your cared for your daughter – I saw how you loved her. Thank you for not chiding or making her feel guilty for something she couldn’t control.

So when you think back to last night and rushing down the aisle to the bathroom, do me a favor, k? Give yourself a little grace! I’m willing to. And the next time you see me with a puking kid in the bathroom, you can pass it back my way.

Jericho's Wall

May 25, 2013

Living out of the deepest parts of my heart in today’s world is really difficult. One of the reasons I believe it is so hard to live fully alive is due to the evil that is so prevalent and the fear that surrounds my heart and soul. Be guarded. Watch out for bad guys. Always be alert. Protect yourself. Fists up and ready to fight. Soul words of life in this jaded world. And that’s not at all original design. God destined us for something so much deeper – intimacy with Him!

 

Someone once said that if you break that word down “in-to-me-see” it makes a lot more sense. But when my heart and soul is surrounded by Jericho’s wall, how can anyone see in? I guess it takes a scout – can I be my own, or do I need someone else? A scout must come in, scale the wall, climb over, and start searching for what is really there – behind the fearful faces, underneath the armor, in the inner locked chambers. Then take report back to the captain. When he hears the report, decisions must be made about how to start tearing down the walls…Do you fight them possibly creating more fear in the heart? Do you march silently? Do you blow trumpets? Do you kneel to pray? When the walls start to tumble, chaos may ensue, and when they finally reach the ground, the heart must be cradled. As reassurance of safety returns, the boulders and rubble can begin to be cleaned and put away – hopefully never to be rebuilt.

 

It’s a fortress for sure – not just a stick and mud kind of wall. It’s been learned from wounds and fears of wounds. My safety is in my hardness. Yet once again, I feel unwhole. Broken. Though encompassed around, I feel vulnerable. Build it higher, be on guard, watch out, be afraid, you may get hurt. But no matter what, it never seems to be enough. I feel empty and full to exploding at the same time. I feel longing and fear in the same moment. I was made for so much more – for life, not death. To breathe, not suffocate. For relationship, not isolation.

 

Lord, I’m ready to be free from Jericho’s fear – take me back to Eden where I can be naked and unashamed (I wonder if that word also means without fear?) Thank you that you created me with a heart that’s meant to be known. Help me to know it well and to trust your protection of both my heart and my life.

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To risk? To Dance Again?

I found them in the corner hidden in the darkness, covered by the uniforms that have defined my life over the past several years. I pulled them out and held them up to the light trying to remember their former glory. I inhale deeply, coughing as I choke on the dust. I blow swiftly across them - a tornado of powdered dirt swirls in the wake of my breath.

They were blush pink at one point, weren't they? The silky ribbon laces no longer hold the gleam they once did. The light now absorbed from neglect rather than reflected. Finding a rag, I pick it up and start rubbing vigorously - a desperation of sort has overtaken me! In my haste, dust fills the room, burns my eyes; I glance away. It's hard to breathe, and I am tempted to forget the whole thing.

As the dust settles, I catch a glimpse of the side I was cleaning . . . soft, pink, satin fabric is now evident. I turn it over in my hand noting the pointed shape, the hard toe, the leather soul. I continue about my work, more carefully this time out of consideration for both my own sanity as well as the fragility of the fabric I'm working with.

As I carefully wipe off each ribbon, I look inside and memories come back unbidden. The blisters, oh, the blisters! And how many times I had fallen. No, grace was not natural for me. My toes bled, my muscles ached, and I was insecure before others as I walked around on pointe'.

I'm half tempted to pretend I never even found them - to shove them back in their deep corner with the cob webs. But then a light in my mind started just a s a glimmer then grew akin to daylight - Amidst the pain, I was alive, alive and free! I was who I was created to be. I lifted my treasure up and held them to the light. Was I brave enough? Was it worth the risk? Would I tie on my ballet slippers once again?

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