What do You do When You Feel Like You've Failed as a Catalyst of Revival?

Yesterday morning I got up, I sought God, and I had a very sweet time! I went into my day walking in His Spirit. Feeling lead by His presence, I saw my husband, my boys, and my household duties in a new light.

But as the sun rose in the sky, so did the edge of my emotions. Several small things happened that were little thorns in my flesh - nuances, per se', but irritating nonetheless. My emotions wanted to react quickly that things were not going as planned, and I wanted the world to know it. Thankfully, still being early in the day, I cried out for God's grace and strength, gave Him these frustrations, and let them go.

We spent some time as a family in the afternoon, and by 3:30pm, both of my boys were done. They were crabby, whiny, and had an extremely hard time listening and obeying. My buttons were being pushed again. I wanted to get them down for naps as quickly as possible, but as you know, kids have a way of taking their sweet time when you most want them to hurry up. My reaction was so sudden that I didn't even notice it before it was on my tongue. I snapped at my husband and treated my boys more harshly than I should. Immediately, I was embarrassed at the steam coming out of my ears and my rapid response. I bit my tongue, not believing what I had just allowed to escape. Where was my consciousness of God's Spirit at that moment?

I sought forgiveness from those I had offended and laid down for a nap, crying myself to sleep and hoping that some rest might help clear my Spirit's vision. On waking, I felt more edgy than before. I felt wasted, exhausted, like I had given everything I was. I felt selfish. I wanted some personal time. I needed some time. I deserved some time. Hadn't I given enough for one day?

As soon as the thoughts arose, so did the guilt. How could I even be thinking these things? I want to see revival in my life...in the lives of my family. I want to seek to be like Christ. I want to glorify Him and see Him lifted up at the center of all I do. How could I even consider my own needs? Yet, despite the guilt, my desire for my own way was growing and spiraling out of control. I felt overwhelmed with how strong these desires were. I knew I couldn't control them. I felt weak, and once again I called out for God's strength to be made perfect in me at that moment. But for some reason, I didn't get an immediate empowering. Nothing miraculous happened.

My husband caught me in this moment of weakness, and received a helping of my rapidly growing emotions. Once again the guilt grew. I was failing miserably. How could this happen after such a wonderful time with God that morning. It was like a switch was flipped. I felt in sorts like Jekyll and Hyde. I composed myself just enough to let my husband know I needed a few moments, and I fled to my corner. (I have a chair, fountain, and items of comfort set around in the corner of my bedroom. It becomes my place to seek God - my prayer closet of sorts).

On arriving, I fell to my knees. My body shook as I couldn't hold back the sobs. I was trying so hard, God. I desperately want to walk with you - to have you meet me on a moment by moment basis. But then I fail so miserably! How could you ever use a weak vessel like me?

What do I do when I feel like I've failed as a catalyst of Revival?

God's Spirit met with me in that sweet time and lead my to Lamentations.

Lam. 3:21-25, 40-41
But this I call to mind, and therefore, I have hope. The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. His mercies never come to and end. They are new every morning. Great is they faithfulness. The Lord is my portion says my soul. Therefore I will hope in Him. The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him...Let us test and examine our ways and return to the Lord. Let us lift up our hearts and hands to God in heaven.

And this is what He said:

1) Remember: You serve a merciful God. He does not reject me as a useful vessel because I don't get it right the first time. vs. 22-23

2) Be Willing: It's not up to you to be perfect, but it is up to you to be willing... a vessel that his perfection can shine through. (The Lord is my portion...hope in Him) vs. 24

3) Wait: He waits and longs for you to seek Him. And He desires to bless those that wait for Him. vs. 25-26

4) Return: I must continue to seek Him for personal revival. (Let us test and examine our ways and return.) vs. 40-41

Do you feel like you have failed? Do you feel unusable? Unfit? Weak? GREAT! God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things, and the despised things, and the things that are not to nullify the things that are so that no one can boast before Him! He's not through with you!

Join me in pursuing God. Run to Him. Ask Him to seek and know your heart. Confess that which may be brought to mind, and go and live in His Freedom and Forgiveness!

*If you'd like to read about the commitment that I have made and why, please see the previous post. Let me know if you are joining with me on this Road to Revival! I'd love to hear from you!

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Let it Begin in Me

I returned from True Woman '12 nearly one week ago, now. It has taken me this long to really process all of what I have been learning and that which God is working on my heart.

I guess growing up in Life Action Ministries, I had always been surrounded by the thought of national revival, and it many ways, I grew numb and complacent to the whole idea. Why did God need me to call on Him anyway? He was God...He could move anytime he wanted - whether I was asking him to or not. Having been out of the ministry "officially" now for 5 or so years, the idea of praying for revival was a bygone one, and when I saw the One Cry video again at True Woman, I subconsciously rolled my eyes and waited for Byron and Bill to get up and share. What I didn't expect is what happened next: God pricked my heart. "Hannah, what if you are the one I am waiting on to call out to me?"

For so long, I had bought into the lie that "I am only one." The truth is, I AM ONE, and God wants this one calling out to him for personal and corporate revival.

Now, when I say revival, I don't mean the emotional high of a spirit lead worship service then everyone going back to their own lives. I'm talking repentance, getting right with God, right relationships, renewal, passion, vigor, evangelism, ministry, service to our neighbors and strangers, caring for the poor, the invalids, the weak....being the face of Jesus to those we see every moment and every day. And that doesn't just happen overnight.  And that doesn't ever happen in our own strength. We need a supernatural visitation from our Supernatural God!

So I came home, I got back into life. I kept crying out to God for a change in my own life - and I'm seeing change - change in how I relate to my husband, change in how I treat my boys, change in how I view my God, change in how I see those I encounter at the store and on the street. I thought that was it. I obeyed, right?

Sure, but God was ready for me to take it a step further. Guess what? I still had an argument....God, I can't commit to a weekly Bible study. I cannot even regularly have people over to my home to pray because our family lives a rotational schedule. How am I supposed to ever be involved in seeking you with others?

"TECHNOLOGY and MY SPIRIT." That's what he said. Think of all the current avenues we have to communicate and encourage one another - even sharing personal testimony. Our God is an omnipresent God, and His Spirit that Unites us sees and knows our hearts.

What if I'm not the only one He wants calling out to Him on a regular basis? What if He wants you?

So here's what I'm committing to do. Every Saturday until the end of the year (and probably longer, but I needed a time frame) I will be seeking God for revival in my own heart, in the heart of my family, of my extended family, my church, my community, my state, my nation and ultimately our world for one hour in the morning before my boys wake up.

For me, this will be 6am-7am, and I would love to have as many of you join me as are willing! For some of you, this time may not work due to other commitments or work or family, etc. I understand, and so does God. But I encourage you to find a consistent time. Join with me. Join with others in ONE CRY for God's presence to be poured out once again.

LET IT BEGIN IN ME!

ps - please let me know if you will join me in this commitment and how you would like to stay in touch. I will try to post regular updates here, and maybe eventually start a conversational forum for whoever is interested. Blessings on you!

For More information, visit www.onecry.com

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East of Eden

East of Eden,
this weary land
we've traveled far
it's hard to stand
we wander on
as best we can
East of Eden,
this weary land.

East of Eden
the curse came down.
Our own remorse:
this barren ground
where peace eludes,
no rest is found.
East of Eden
the curse came down.

East of Eden
we watch and wait.
No rain to come
by plan or fate.
Our still parched souls
are oft berate
as East of Eden
we watch and wait.

East of Eden
the Christ child came
to break the curse
His own to claim.
Our just wages
He took the blame.
East of Eden
the Christ child came.

East of Eden
new life is found,
but all our pride
we must lay down.
Amidst the dirt,
fall to the ground
East of Eden
new life is found.

East of Eden
a heart can grow.
For Christ resides
your soul to know.
He lifts up high
those bended low.
East of Eden
a heart can grow.

-Hannah Norton 2012
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To risk? To Dance Again?

I found them in the corner hidden in the darkness, covered by the uniforms that have defined my life over the past several years. I pulled them out and held them up to the light trying to remember their former glory. I inhale deeply, coughing as I choke on the dust. I blow swiftly across them - a tornado of powdered dirt swirls in the wake of my breath.

They were blush pink at one point, weren't they? The silky ribbon laces no longer hold the gleam they once did. The light now absorbed from neglect rather than reflected. Finding a rag, I pick it up and start rubbing vigorously - a desperation of sort has overtaken me! In my haste, dust fills the room, burns my eyes; I glance away. It's hard to breathe, and I am tempted to forget the whole thing.

As the dust settles, I catch a glimpse of the side I was cleaning . . . soft, pink, satin fabric is now evident. I turn it over in my hand noting the pointed shape, the hard toe, the leather soul. I continue about my work, more carefully this time out of consideration for both my own sanity as well as the fragility of the fabric I'm working with.

As I carefully wipe off each ribbon, I look inside and memories come back unbidden. The blisters, oh, the blisters! And how many times I had fallen. No, grace was not natural for me. My toes bled, my muscles ached, and I was insecure before others as I walked around on pointe'.

I'm half tempted to pretend I never even found them - to shove them back in their deep corner with the cob webs. But then a light in my mind started just a s a glimmer then grew akin to daylight - Amidst the pain, I was alive, alive and free! I was who I was created to be. I lifted my treasure up and held them to the light. Was I brave enough? Was it worth the risk? Would I tie on my ballet slippers once again?

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I'm Giving Up

I loved the sensation of gaining speed down the runway then feeling my heart jump into my throat as the front wheels of the plane left the ground. I was floating. No, I was flying. I was actually doing it! I saw the airport below growing smaller as the nose of my plane pointed toward the open sky. Freedom filled my soul as doubts scurried away. Wow, flying really was possible! I was enthralled: "Tower, I'm doing it! I'm actually flying!"

My thoughts and excitement faded as quickly as they had arrived as I suddenly found myself in the middle of a thick thunder head. Darkness surrounded and encompassed. I could see nothing. I could hear nothing but the thunder that occasionally shook the plane. Tower had not responded. I looked down at my instruments which appeared to be holding steady - though that was no consolation as I still didn't completely understand each of their functions.

My heart raced, and panic began to set in. I feared I may have made a poor decision. Maybe the hanger was the better option - at least it would have been safer. My palms were sweaty, my breath was rapid, my eyes darted around the cocpit for the manual. Where was that book when I needed it? Alright, I thought, I'm going to have to figure this out on my own.

I played with the different switches and levers attempting to gain some sort of control over this monserous beast I was supposed to be flying. The planed jerked, rumbled, rolled, swiftly swung to the left side, and I saw a lightning bolt illuminate the darkness for a moment. I blinked, trying to readjust my eyes to the lack of light.

I am in control. No, I reconsidered that thought. I'm completely out of control! I have so much to do that I don't even know how to do! What was I thining? I'm all alone! The stress began to grow to a point of fear and the fear to a point of insanity. The plane is going to crash. I am going to die! I considered just accepting my fate, closing my eyes. Giving up.

I groped for the dome light so maybe I could see things better. There it is; I flipped it on. Light now filled the cockpit. There was the manual, right next to me all the time. I looked up to meet the eyes of my co-pilot. You could have picked my jaw up off the floor. "Wh...What? Why didn't you say anything? Let me know you were there? Something?" Now I was angry.

The Spirit looked at me with gentle eyes. "You didn't ask."

So many times I get caught up in striving and stress. My pride makes me think that I have too much to do. I am in control. I am all alone. Inevetably, I push God and others away - I don't ask for help. It's MY responsibility, right? So I get overwhelmed when I can't seem to get things right. The outcome doesn't go as expected - or I cannot see the end in sight. I want to give up! And that's exactly what the enemy wants - me giving up, growing complacent, never living the fruitful life for which I was created.

Ironically, that's the same thing God wants...me to give up. Give up trying to do it on my own. Give up the lies that I have accepted. Give up control to him and watch what he does to help me bear fruit - fruit that will last!

So either way, I surrender....the question is to whom!
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Lessons Learned from Lightning McQueen

Disney movies - who would have ever thought deep life lessons could be learned from such? Nonetheless, it happened....and to me, no less.

The other afternoon, my 2-year-old was enjoying himself while watching Cars and enjoying a snack. I was preoccupied with my 9-month-old and the laundry. Suddenly, something caught my ear. I turned to pay attention. The music had gotten serious and quieted. The little girl blue car, Sally had taken Lightening on a ride to the top of the gorge. Lightning's voice was filled with awe and reverence as he exclaimed how beautiful everything was below. He turned to glance back over his shoulder and posed a question to Sally: How come all those cars (referring to the ones flying by on the freeway) don't travel through radiator springs?

Sally sighed, and with a sad look, replied that there didn't used to be an interstate. When they decided to put it in, they cut through the landscape rather than rolling with its ebb and flow. Unfortunately, most of their perspective is on of making great time rather than having great time.

That's all I heart, and my brain started spinning: How many times do I go into efficiency mode - always looking for the quickest way to get something done. I cut through the landscape of life (whether it be mine or that of my husband's or sons') rather than enjoying the hills and valleys of the ride. Most times, my goal is to make great time rather than have a great time.

So I ask myself now, what might I be missing if I continue to bypass all of the little "towns" on this journey?

Lord, rescue me from my impatience and focus on the accomplishment rather than the process. Give me a heart and a love for the moment!
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Been There, Done That

What if you can't do it? What if it's not worth it? What if you crash?

What if...?

It's my turn to take the runway. But now, I'm not so sure I can do this. "Um, tower? This looks hard. I don't know if I want to do this any more. Maybe I should just turn around and be satisfied to park my plane in the hanger. Over." "But, Child, you can do this. I created you to do this, and I know you're going to do just fine. I've been there."

I shake my head. He just doesn't understand. Sure, he may have been in this pilot seat before and may have even experienced fear (He did become flesh just like me), but that's just not a fair comparison. I dare to speak my next thoughts out loud. "It's not the same. You had direct connection to the Chief Pilot. My goodness! You were his Son! Of course YOU could do it."

"Child," this time His response tender, words spoken direct and slow. "everything I had access to, you do as well."

That's the Holy Spirit. When Jesus returned to the Father, he left us the gift of the Counselor - His Spirit. So that we could always have direct access to Him just as He did to the Father. Christ, himself, was tempted to give up on the journey (See Luke 4). And we have been given the very same tools - Direct Access and the Manual.

So it's up to you. It's up to me. Will we choose to go forward? Or give into temptation to quit and be satisfied to sit in our chair in a dark hanger never experiencing the abundance of life Christ desires us to?

I'm game! Are you?



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