I'm Giving Up

I loved the sensation of gaining speed down the runway then feeling my heart jump into my throat as the front wheels of the plane left the ground. I was floating. No, I was flying. I was actually doing it! I saw the airport below growing smaller as the nose of my plane pointed toward the open sky. Freedom filled my soul as doubts scurried away. Wow, flying really was possible! I was enthralled: "Tower, I'm doing it! I'm actually flying!"

My thoughts and excitement faded as quickly as they had arrived as I suddenly found myself in the middle of a thick thunder head. Darkness surrounded and encompassed. I could see nothing. I could hear nothing but the thunder that occasionally shook the plane. Tower had not responded. I looked down at my instruments which appeared to be holding steady - though that was no consolation as I still didn't completely understand each of their functions.

My heart raced, and panic began to set in. I feared I may have made a poor decision. Maybe the hanger was the better option - at least it would have been safer. My palms were sweaty, my breath was rapid, my eyes darted around the cocpit for the manual. Where was that book when I needed it? Alright, I thought, I'm going to have to figure this out on my own.

I played with the different switches and levers attempting to gain some sort of control over this monserous beast I was supposed to be flying. The planed jerked, rumbled, rolled, swiftly swung to the left side, and I saw a lightning bolt illuminate the darkness for a moment. I blinked, trying to readjust my eyes to the lack of light.

I am in control. No, I reconsidered that thought. I'm completely out of control! I have so much to do that I don't even know how to do! What was I thining? I'm all alone! The stress began to grow to a point of fear and the fear to a point of insanity. The plane is going to crash. I am going to die! I considered just accepting my fate, closing my eyes. Giving up.

I groped for the dome light so maybe I could see things better. There it is; I flipped it on. Light now filled the cockpit. There was the manual, right next to me all the time. I looked up to meet the eyes of my co-pilot. You could have picked my jaw up off the floor. "Wh...What? Why didn't you say anything? Let me know you were there? Something?" Now I was angry.

The Spirit looked at me with gentle eyes. "You didn't ask."

So many times I get caught up in striving and stress. My pride makes me think that I have too much to do. I am in control. I am all alone. Inevetably, I push God and others away - I don't ask for help. It's MY responsibility, right? So I get overwhelmed when I can't seem to get things right. The outcome doesn't go as expected - or I cannot see the end in sight. I want to give up! And that's exactly what the enemy wants - me giving up, growing complacent, never living the fruitful life for which I was created.

Ironically, that's the same thing God wants...me to give up. Give up trying to do it on my own. Give up the lies that I have accepted. Give up control to him and watch what he does to help me bear fruit - fruit that will last!

So either way, I surrender....the question is to whom!
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