Comfort In the Wake of Crisis: Our Personal God

I just want my husband back, I thought as I stomped up the road and tried to make sense of the journey we had been walking. It was day two of EMDR therapy for my husband’s PTSD and anxiety. I wasn’t seeing many improvements despite the fact that we felt like God opened every door for this counselor to work with Jared in this time.

I was fuming. I was exhausted from the roller coaster of emotion. I was weary of carrying the load for our family for the past eight weeks. I was done with the fear over whether my husband might be up all night again, have another panic attack, and leave me to provide for myself and our six sons while he was on medical sabbatical from work. To top it all off, in the midst of his crisis, our family had downsized and moved into a smaller house. Stress was eating me. Anger rose in my soul. It was all so unfair.

Sanctuary

Four blocks down the road, I saw a steeple. Making a beeline for that church, I ached for a sense of closeness to God; my heart felt so abandoned. I looked up at that cross with tears in my eyes. “Do you even see me? Do you even care?” I slowly circled through the path in the courtyard and around the front of the building. Feeling lost in the shadows, I stepped back to the brick wall up front and sat down.

This Crisis

This crisis wasn’t something I asked for. I never expected this would happen to us. My husband was the strong one. Sure, he had experienced and seen hard things in his career as a morgue assistant and now as a paramedic firefighter, but he handled it well. Or so I thought. Until one day, the life stress of our move, our overcommitment, the unexpected death of his grandfather, and a tough call at work all piled up and sent him into a crisis of adrenaline overdrive, insomnia, panic, and anxiety.

Eight weeks had passed—weeks of chaos, unknowns, kids being shipped to caregivers and back home because of daddy’s instability, not knowing when the next wave of panic might hit or how hard. Would he be present? Or would he get that distant look in his eyes, turn inward, and need me to help him through the struggle?

Finding him curled up in the corner shaking in fear terrified me. Hearing him wrestle with dark thoughts, hopelessness, and brief thoughts of suicidal escape had me near panic, but I knew I couldn’t be weak. I had to hold it all together. Would we get through this? Would he be able to return to work? Would I ever feel safe or protected or able to be vulnerable again?

Strange Juxtaposition

I sat on that brick wall, gazing at the ornately carved church doors. The building rang of history, being near one hundred twenty years old. I imagined the people coming to seek God, to draw close. The strange juxtaposition of my heart surprised me. I was angry at God for forcing my hand, as it seemed to me, down this path of mental illness. I wanted to yell at God. I wanted to scream out how I felt so abandoned, so alone. And at the same moment, I wanted to collapse weeping into His loving arms. I needed Him to hold me. I needed to feel His nearness like I never have before. I needed to know it was all going to be okay.

Lead me to the Cross

I felt a nudge in my heart and a tune float through my head. I pulled my phone out of my back pocket, and quickly looked up Hillsong UNITED “Lead me to the Cross”.

Savior I come. Yes, I was ready to come. I couldn’t do this on my own anymore.

Quiet my soul, remember. I felt a hush grow over my heart as I focused my eyes on that cross high above my head. Yes, I needed to remember.

Getting Personal

Throughout my husband’s crisis, I had been forced to run to Jesus like I never had before. Growing up in a Christian home, I could recite verses about so many truths on God’s character, his consistency, his comfort. But even though I knew these verses intellectually, I hadn’t personalized them.

Woven in and out of the Epistles, a special word is used numerous times - “knowledge.” This word is “gnosis” in Greek and means personal and experiential knowledge (See Ephesians 3:19, Colossians 1:10, 2 Peter 1:3). This form of knowing was not simply passed down information from one person to another. It wasn’t simply understanding or even believing. It went even deeper than that. This knowing was where the rubber met the road, where the truths in God’s word went from words on a page that I chose to believe to words that the Holy Spirit made personal to me. 

In the darkest of moments, when my husband would cycle his thoughts, pacing through the house in a panic, I would find myself curled up in my chair with tears streaming down my face crying out to Jesus. Hold me, Papa. My husband can’t right now. I am so scared. I feel so alone. I would just sit. I would be still. I would be held. And the Holy Spirit would whisper to my heart. 

You are never alone! You are never alone! You are never alone!

And when my husband would feel threatened and be afraid of personal threat, I would feel frightened too. Again, I would curl up asking Jesus to hold me. Papa, I’m scared. My husband is scared. I don’t feel safe. And Jesus would comfort me.

You are always safe! You are always safe! You are always safe!

When the journey continued over the course of days and weeks with no end in sight, I cried out to Jesus and asked how long I must endure. Will this never end? Is there even hope? And Jesus whispered tenderly.

There is always hope. There is always hope. There is always hope! 

Those three statements became what I clung to in the following weeks leading up to the EMDR therapy. God had gotten personal with me, reminding me that he was a personal God and that his truths were true for me too! I am never alone! I am always safe! There is always hope!

New Truth

In this moment, I heard His gentle whisper once again. Remember, Hannah. You are never alone! You are always safe! There is hope! Yet I felt like there was more God wanted to make personal in this moment.

He pointed his finger at my heart. I valued justice, and in my anger, I wanted my husband to know how deeply he had wounded me. Jesus gently reminded me that He is the one who judges justly, and that all would give an account one day – my husband for the mistakes he made and myself for the ways I chose to hold onto anger and bitterness. But there was another option. Hannah, entrust your journey to me. Justice will be done!

All of the pain, all of the tears and sorrow, all of the fears, all of the ways I had given (and many of the ways I had not), they were not forgotten. God had been present each moment of this crisis, each moment of my life. And I could rest in the fact that in eternity, all would come to light. Each will be rewarded according to what he has done. My efforts were not in vain. Even if my husband didn’t see what I had done, even if he never said thank you, even if I felt taken for granted for the rest of my life, God knew. When I felt the certainty of the unfairness of it all, I could rest in the fact that God greatly valued the suffering I was experiencing, and one day if I remained faithful and trusted my just judge, all would be made right!

Justice will be done! There is hope! You are always safe! You are never alone!

My friends, I pray that God will make himself known (gnosis) personally to you, wherever you are, whatever your struggle. May the Lord bless you and keep you, may He be gracious to you and turn his face toward you, and may He give you peace. Amen and Amen!

Christian Community: Being the Arms of Jesus to a Friend in Crisis

*This is a post I wrote about how others ministered to our family during my husband’s struggle with PTSD. Right now, our culture is volatile. People are hurting. They are wondering who will listen, who will love them, who will see them. We have a choice as believers to surround those who are hurting and feeling so misunderstood. We have an opportunity to reach out like never before to stand against injustice and to demonstrate the love of our gentle, peace-making Savior! The situation of our family’s crisis and the circumstances surrounding racism and injustice are not the same; however, the principles of how to care for people who are hurting remain constant. Facing racism and injustice can elicit its own crisis situations, and prolonged exposure to dehumanizing treatment can be its own form of PTSD.

November 2019: My husband experienced a PTSD crisis that rocked our world. After the initial night of constant terror, anxiety, panic and insomnia, I was lost at how to move forward, what to do, who to call. What were we going to do with our six boys? How were we going to find help? 

Thankfully, we were connected to some friends who are counselors, and by the grace of God, we were able to contact them for wisdom in the middle of the night. In the days to follow, we saw the body of Christ step up in ways like we’ve never experienced before. We witnessed a beautiful picture of how Christ uses his church to meet needs by each using their own gifts. The following are some ways we were blessed.

If you have a friend who is experiencing pain or facing crises and you don’t know how to help, here are some places to start helping them feel the arms of Jesus!

Listen

It seems this should go without saying, but the greatest gift some of our friends gave us during the crisis was the gift of listening. In The Grief Recovery Handbook, John James explains that the listener should picture themselves as a heart with ears. Listen to understand. One of my best friends offered her ears on a “whenever needed” basis. I felt the freedom to call her when I was overwhelmed, when I had questions, and when I just needed to vent. She didn’t allow my strong emotions to threaten her, but routinely asked a simple question, “What do you need from me right now?” This allowed me to be honest about whether I just needed a sounding board or if I needed someone to help me brainstorm and think through a situation.

Allow Room

Mental health crises are unpredictable. Both the one in crisis and the caregiver may experience a broad range of emotions. Know that there is not a one-size-fits-all predictable pattern that will be followed. Allow your friend room to feel -- whether it is anxiety, fear, frustration, anger, sadness, worry, or even panic. Know that feelings don’t have a permanent staying power, but can typically be expressed and released. Honor the feelings that your friend is experiencing. The significance of an event is in the perception of the receiver. Please don’t try to stamp your perspective on their suffering. 

Don’t Judge

Even being in the medical profession, I struggled with my perspective on mental health until I experienced it personally. It’s easy to think that if someone just had better life management or a stronger prayer life that they wouldn’t experience these struggles. Our counselor helped us to see the light when they explained that God created us integrated beings with a mind, will, and emotions along with our bodies. Our minds and emotions can only handle so much before they need a break, and if we haven’t learned to listen to them they eventually override all physical and mental processes in order to have their needs met. Anyone can reach a breaking point. It is not your friend’s fault. It’s simply the ways they have been taught and empowered to care for, or not care for, their being as a whole. With a rare exception, most people do the best they can with the information they have been given.

Don’t Preach

As we were journeying through this crisis, the most discouraging “help” we received were people who thought they were offering wisdom from God’s Word. Don’t get me wrong. God’s Word is living and active and powerful! But in the heat of a crisis, the brain cannot process on a logical level because the lower brain has hijacked everything else. Trying to encourage your friend to “count it all joy” or to “cast all their cares on Jesus” may very well push buttons of failure, making your friend feel like they once again don’t measure up and heaping guilt on an already overwhelmed soul. There will come a time for speaking truth, but in the crux of a crisis it may do more harm than good.

Encourage Them to Seek Help

Sometimes a crisis extends beyond our area of expertise. When my husband was awake all night long with fear and panic, I knew we needed to find a way to help him sleep. We sought the help of our counselor friend, took a trip to the ER, and spoke with our family doctor. 

If your friend is struggling with sleeping, with being overcome by panic, or with maintaining daily routines and engaging in life, encourage them to see a counselor or their doctor. Sometimes, this conversation can be difficult, and the timing has to be right for your friend to accept your suggestion. Medications can be a tremendous help in calming the body systems so that someone can learn the skills they need to keep their emotions and mind in a healthy place. 

If your friend shows signs or talks about harming themselves or others, seek help right away. If the counselor or doctor’s office is not open, you can always go to the ER or call the National Suicide Lifeline which is available 24/7.

Offer (Sometimes Insist) Practical Help

One of my major concerns when we were first faced with the crisis was what I was going to do with my six sons while I was caring for my husband. We have some close friends that took them for the day while we pursued medical help. They wound up keeping them overnight and ultimately opened their home to our sons for as long as necessary to see my husband on a healthy path. For a week, my boys were loved on by our friends and family while we tried to reach a stable point. 

Our Church body really stepped up at this time. We were in the midst of selling our home. We had projects to complete and boxes to pack. Ladies brought meals and helped pack boxes and clean our home. Men helped us complete the projects, take care of the yard, and loaded the trucks. We saw the people of God using their gifts to serve us, and we felt the love of Jesus through their help.

When someone is in a crisis, the last thing they want is to appear that they don’t have it all together. Simply asking if they need help may result in a simple, “No, we’re good.” Please don’t take that answer. Look for ways to jump in. Take the kids for an afternoon playdate. Bring a surprise coffee or flowers. One of my friends dropped by several times just to give me a hug! Offer to help with housework, bring a meal, or help with a project. If they don’t mention a need, look for one. 

Don’t Forget the Caregiver

Finally, please don’t forget the caregiver. While the person in crisis has tremendous needs, the caregiver is often overlooked. We carry much of the burden while our loved one is in crisis -- taking over extra responsibility, sacrificing sleep, and carrying our own burden of concern. Many caregivers may reach a point of caregiver burnout or even their own secondary trauma as a result of their loved one’s crisis. Ask them how they are holding up, and be willing to listen. Offer extra hugs and allow space for their emotions. In my case, my husband had always been my emotional sounding board, but in his struggle, he wasn’t able to be there for me. My friend opened her ears and her heart to mine and gave me a safe place to land when my husband couldn’t provide that. 

Consider whether the caregiver may need a break. When my husband was most unstable (for about four weeks), I was with him 24/7. I couldn’t leave him alone. I couldn’t leave him with our kids. He couldn’t even drive himself to appointments. I am so grateful for one of my husband’s friends who came over to hang out with him and my sons so I could get a cup of coffee a couple of times. Those small bits of reprieve gave me what I needed to refresh and be ready to give to my husband again.

We were blessed beyond measure to be surrounded by our Church community during my husband’s crisis. In listening, encouraging your friends to seek help, offering practical assistance and caring for the caregiver, you too can be the arms of Jesus to your friends in need. 

 

Why a Return to Normal (or Even a New Normal) Can Never Fix My Problem

“I just wish things would get back to normal!” I hear the statement echo in my mind. The thought rises when I’m frustrated with the challenges of decontaminating our groceries or having to wear face masks or even not being able to give my friend a hug. If things just weren’t so difficult . . . If I could go to the store without fear of exposure . . . If I my kids could play sports like they planned . . . If we had more options on rainy days to get our energy out . . . If I had access to resources like our library . . . If we could get back to concerts, sports games, and amusement parks . . . If we could meet with our Church family . . . On and on it goes. If we could just get back to normal, I would feel better. I would be okay. Life would be so much easier.

The nagging voices of failure scratch at my sense of identity:

You’re not enough! Your boys are bored. They are fighting again. You’ve not provided enough of an outlet. You’re not enough!

 You’re too much! You’re too emotional. Your fear, your sadness, your depression, it doesn’t have a place. Your husband can’t handle it. You’re too much!

You’re not safe! Just look at all the people getting Covid-19. It’s awful. You’ll probably get it too. No one is defending you. It’s all on your shoulders. You’re not safe!

You are alone! You haven’t been able to hang out with your friends for nine weeks now. Don’t you see how this is going? It’s not going to change. You won’t have any help when you need it. You won’t be surrounded next time you face a crisis. You are alone!

It’s easy to forget when I’m in the middle of the crisis that I’ve heard these voices before. Not too long ago, it looked like

You’re not enough! You don’t have what it takes to care for your husband and your kids! You don’t have the energy and endurance to finish the move, the sale of the house, the routine transitions. You’re not enough!

You’re too much! There’s no place for your heart or your needs when your husband is in crisis. His needs rank higher. You’re too needy! You’re too much!

You’re not safe! Your husband can no longer defend you. He may be at risk himself. You can’t rely on anyone but yourself. You are not safe!

You are alone! Your man is emotionally withdrawn. You don’t have access to community. You have neighbors that don’t even know what’s going on. No one is there for you. You are alone!

And before that, it was You’re not (mom) enough! You’re too much (of a failure)! You’re not safe (to be authentic)! You are alone (in your struggle)!

You see, these statements existed long before my “normal” was taken away. And long before that, they were answers to questions I had been asking for years.

Am I enough?

Am I too much?

Am I safe?

Am I alone?

"These statements existed long before my “normal” was taken away. And long before that, they were answers to questions I had been asking for years."

I have to consider: If I’ve been answering these questions for years, if I have taken on certain identity statements, what makes me think that resuming normal life will magically make them disappear? Suddenly, I become a new me? My most ideal, best-est self with no more struggles when our country opens back up and the threat seems diminished? Or, will these statements, these answers to my questions simply take on a new form?

A return to “Normal” will not fix my problem. Only a return to Jesus can!

This fall, when my husband was in the middle of his PTSD crisis, I began to recognize this truth. My world was turned upside down. I faced challenges I had never experienced before. I was emotionally run through the wringer and physically spent beyond my ability. I longed for normal life to return, but my hopes for that were unsteady. The future was uncertain and so very unclear!

I wasn’t doubting the truth of what I believed. I had a firm foundation in the facts of the goodness of God, that He was trustworthy, that He was sovereign, and that He was a God of love. But I had never taken the time to allow the personal truth that God loved me to take root deep in my heart.

"A return to “Normal” will not fix my problem. Only a return to Jesus can!"

So, I ran to Jesus. I knelt in his presence. I poured out these fears to Him!

And just like the still small voice that spoke to Elijah, I heard the Spirit whisper.

You are not alone! For I will never leave you nor forsake you!

You are always safe! For I numbered your days before the dawn of time. You are sheltered under my wings of refuge.

You are never too much, and My strength in you is enough! For I made you! You are beautiful! You are mine!

And you know what happened? As I spent more time listening to the truth of how Christ saw me, as I heard His whisper over my identity, something started to shift.

I continued to face new and different challenges in our journey and as we began to weather this current health crisis, I found myself recognizing the old answers to my questions much more quickly. I could name them for what they were – lies!

When the old voices started to surface recently again, I was able to refute them with the truths that I had learned. I am not alone! I am always safe! He made me! I am beautiful! I am His!

Is the struggle gone? No. I still face battles every day. But I no longer live in the illusion of “Normal” being the solution.

"I no longer live in the illusion of “Normal” being the solution."

Normal never fixed my problem! But a return to Jesus did!

Communicating in Quarantine: The False Fuel of Assumption

Has anyone noticed that being in close quarters with another person for long periods of time is a recipe for miscommunication? Or trying to carry on important conversations during social distancing can cause great misunderstanding? Relational conflict is at an all time high with these added stressors of a global pandemic and unprecedented circumstances resulting in prolonged periods of close contact with some people and excessive distance from others.

Easter Sunday 2020 was unlike any Easter I have ever experienced before. I’d love to say we nailed it – that we had a beautiful day with fantastic family memories, a delicious celebratory dinner, and a spirit of rejoicing in our freedom through the Resurrection of our Savior. But that would be a lie. This year, Easter was hard in more ways than one.

The truth is our Easter looked more like my husband and I missing each other in communication, arguing about perspective, and talking at each other more than communication with each other – off and on for six hours! We didn’t’ participate together in our streamed Sunday service. We never sat down to a meal as a whole family, and we tossed some eggs in the living room for an egg hunt at the last minute. We wound up hurt and emotionally distant from one another.

The main reason for this? Assumption.

Assumption Makes us look Foolish

Some of you may have heard the saying, “When we assume, it makes the first three letters out of U and ME (ASSUME)” That’s not too far from reality. I watch my sons interact with each other. I see how quickly they can get fired up, yelling, and getting aggressive with each other. Ironically, most of the time, their reactions are based on an assumption that their brother intended them harm. They feel threatened (physically or emotionally) and their fight or flight kicks in. A rocket blasts off in their souls, and its fuel is lies.

How could they be so foolish? And yet I find myself doing the same thing!

The fuel of assumption is an artificial fuel that can only send our rocket in one direction – destruction of relationship. We must fuel our emotions and reactions on the truth!

Assumption Signals our Fight or Flight

Have you ever felt this before? The internal burn, increasing heart rate, and sense of a need to find protection or escape from the situation? Our person or our identity feels threatened, and we snap back with “Well I . . .” or offer the silent treatment and retreat. We go on the defensive, buffering ourselves up or tearing the other person down in order to feel better. Or we feel the need to protect ourselves from further harm, so we go into emotional or physical hiding – sometimes both.

More often than not, when I assume and react, my husband is left wondering what he did wrong. His intention was not to wound, but to communicate. Sometimes, his words come out clumsy, no doubt, but when I allow the fuel of assumption to blast off my emotional rocket, I am submitting to chemical processes in my brain that are not based in logic.

The brain always wants to protect itself and the body. If there is a perceived threat, our sympathetic nervous system gears up for the challenge. It shoots us into one of three responses. We fight. We flight. Or we freeze.

Assumption is Framed in Past Experience

When we make assumptions and respond out of the most base urges of our human nature, we are allowing our previous experiences to define our present moment. As humans, our brains remember when we’ve been hurt in the past, and they have loaded weapons just waiting for that trigger to be pulled. We hear a specific word or phrase, and we frame it with the memories of how we felt when we heard that before.

A wound from a friend when I was thirteen can come up out of “nowhere” when my husband uses the same words that cut so deep. A look I see on his face may resemble one my dad had when he was disappointed in me. A phrase that hurt me years ago may be spoken in a completely different context now, yet it creates the same reaction. The image of the past arises, and I use that same frame to place around my husband and his intentions now.

The reality is that my husband is not my childhood friend. The look he gave me was one of confusion not disappointment. And the phrase is common use language that had been spoken once in harshness and now carries that connotation every time.

Assumption Creates a Win-Lose Mentality

With these ill-fitting frames, our conversations can easily morph from a discussion of differences to a competition of who is right and who is wrong – or even more likely, who is better and who is worse. This adds to the fuel of the emotional rocket as it continues a cycle of comparison, feeling threatened and a need to defend or protect one’s self.

When I find myself stuck in these cycles of communication, sometimes I lose track of where we were or where we are headed. What was the intended purpose of this conversation in the first place? I get the feeling that in order to find resolution, one of us will win and the other with lose. One will be deemed the victorious. One will be shamed.

Sure, in any relationship there is give and take, but it should never be victor and victim! We are all humans created in the image of God. He has called us to love Him first and foremost. Then he has called us to love one another.

Just because my husband and I may not completely agree on our perspective doesn’t mean that there has to be a winner and a loser. If we are able to stop this cycle of assumption, we can more easily understand where the other person is coming from and decide how to come to the best resolution of our differences.

Stopping the Assumption Fuel

One simple step in avoiding the relentless cycle of assumption, is to notice. Notice when the emotions start to rise and the rocket wants to blast off.

Stop and think about what that feels like right now. What happens inside your chest when your spouse or close friend says that one thing? What feelings does it evoke when you see that look? What does your heart do in your chest? Do you feel warm or flushed? Does your breathing increase? Do you feel muscles contract? Does your mind go blank? Do you long for escape? Do you shut down?
 
Take a moment and put yourself there. Imagine a tough conversation. Feel the feelings, and imagine putting a BIG RED STOP SIGN on that feeling.

The next time you start to feel that way, see the stop sign. Pause. Breathe and ask yourself what it is you are feeling and thinking in that moment. Hear the words you are telling yourself. What do you feel they are saying to you? Take another deep breath. And then ask a clarifying question.

Here’s how it looked for us a couple weeks ago. We were chatting when my husband said something to the effect of how he felt threatened when I didn’t recognize something he had done. I immediately wanted to respond in anger, “What?!? You don’t feel like I appreciate you? Well I don’t feel like you appreciate me!”

 But I didn’t. I stopped when I recognized the feeling, and I asked, “Can I clarify? Are you saying that you don’t ever feel appreciated by me?” I was able to determine what was fueling my emotional reaction: the feeling of an always statement, that I never showed him appreciation. And I asked him to clarify in a nonthreatening way.

This gave him an opportunity to say, no, that he just meant that one instance. Immediately, the boil in my chest subsided, and we were able to conclude our conversation without my emotional rocket causing chaos, destruction, and distance in our relationship.

If You’re Going to Assume, Assume the Best

Assumptions are going to happen. They are going to come up without our permission or awareness. They are going to surprise us. They are going to throw us off kilter and begin to fuel reactions that we don’t anticipate. We have to realize that whether we like it or not, this is the way we are wired.

Being in a relationship with my husband, I have to remember that we love each other. We are committed. When we find ourselves in communication that is leading toward assumption, I have to choose to frame his comments in the truth. He is not intending to wound me. He loves me. He is trying to communicate with me, and we are still growing in our ability to speak each other’s languages.
 

I am in process. My husband is in process. We are continually being formed into the image of our Creator. We are learning to communicate (and getting much more practice due to this time of quarantine).

Learning to notice the fuel of assumption and the initial blast off of my emotional rocket has been so powerful in stopping what could be some messy relational explosions.

Redeeming our Assumptions

Our Easter this year was hard, but it was redeemed. We salvaged what we could as we engaged in the Sight and Sound Jesus production as a family. We spoke truth to our boys about the freedom we have received from Christ – the freedom from the penalty of death as well as the freedom from the power on sin. And my husband and I made the decision to try another way. That evening we worked through our differences, we opened our eyes to the other’s perspective, we clarified assumptions, and we communicated our love to one another.

The power of the Resurrection of Jesus frees us from the power of assumption. We don’t have to continue the cycle of chaos and destruction in our relationships. We have His power to assume the best, to notice the feelings, to stop and clarify. We can fuel our emotions on truth and stop the false fuel of assumptions! We can learn a new way to communicate while in quarantine! 

"The Challenge" How to Survive this Crisis as a Whole Person

We are in a challenging time. Most of us are stuck at home. Our kids are here. And we have nowhere to go and "nothing to do." The best way to weather a crisis is as a whole person! We cannot expect to survive this challenging time physically and hope that our mind and emotions catch up later. 

It's hard to know how to manage our time, how to invest in our families, how to make decisions when all our "normals" are gone. Our hearts feel out of place and confused. We have to create new "normals" for ourselves and our kids.  

So we've created a resource to help your kids engage in where you are with their whole person. Each day, they can chose one activity from one category (not the same category two days in a row). We have options that engage the body, the mind, the emotions, their faith, and ways that help them to think of and serve others. 

Feel free to download and print whichever (or both) guides you need. Engage with us on our Facebook group "The Challenge" by Scripted Story (COVID-19 style). We would love to see how you are being fully present where you are right now. 

Downloads can be accessed here: "The Challenge" Facebook Group Feel free to share with friends!

If you don't have a Facebook account and would like the printable packet emailed to you, simply email us at scriptedstoryresources@gmail.com and we will get it to you as soon as possible. 

Now may the God of peace . . . . equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever amen. Hebrews 13:20-21

Loving God and Loving our Neighbor in the Midst of the COVID-19 Crisis: 7 Ways a Christian can Respond

I pulled into the Aldi parking lot, and I was curious that there were so many cars. It’s not the beginning of the month, it’s not even a typical bi-weekly pay week for most people. Why are there so many people here on a Thursday evening?

You see, Thursday evenings are my typical weekly shopping trip while my oldest is at Karate. I had a few of my other boys with me, so we took our time finding a parking spot and unloading. We got our cart and headed in. I started gathering the groceries that I needed, somewhat surprised that Aldi had not kept up on their stock this week. Bread, can goods, cereals all picked over. People’s carts were loaded. Something was going on.

By now, most of you might wonder how I didn’t know what the mad rush was. What, is she naive? How does she not know about the impending Armageddon? I was very well aware of growing concerns of the COVID-19 virus causing some issues in the US. I’m a nurse. I get state issued health bulletins which recently have encouraged good hand hygiene, staying home if you’re sick, and limiting large gatherings. But what I couldn’t understand was the mad rush to stock up – that is, until I was getting my milk.

I had my five-year-old reach in the refrigerator door and pull out one gallon. That’s all we needed this week. A lady walked up behind me and curtly stated, “You may want to get more than that. The US is going to be put under mandatory quarantine for four weeks! They’re going to announce it Monday! I have a good source! He’s in the military!” She continued her rant as she moved on behind other people leaving in her wake a current of fear and chaos.

For a moment, my heart started beating faster. Why hadn’t I heard this? Why hadn’t the state health bulletins told us it was coming to this? I thought about grabbing a bunch of canned goods, boxed goods, frozen meals. I mentally analyzed my pantry, what did I need to get us through four weeks? Diapers? Cereal? Toilet paper? Too late on that last one as most of the toilet paper was already gone.

I realized what I was doing – reeling in assumptive panic based on a random woman’s comments in Aldi. I took a deep breath and calmed myself. I thought through the logic of that actually happening and considered the source of the information that had turned my normal shopping trip on its emotional head. I spoke truth to myself and considered wisdom in this situation. What was my mission as a believer in Christ living in a culture that is panicking?

Our country is in panic mode. Fear is reigning. People are responding out of desperation. Ironically, similar things were seen before during Y2K, when SARS was active, or when the H1N1 strain came to the US. As believers in Christ, we are not supposed to respond as the culture does in these times of crisis. What is the greatest commandment? Love the Lord your God. The second is like it, love your neighbor as yourself. This is our mission. This is the standard we are to hold in times of peace and times of fear.

So, in the midst of the COVID-19 chaos, how are we supposed to love God and love our neighbor?

Do Not Give Way to Fear

The major pandemic right now is not this virus. It is the fear being created and mass panic resulting in irrational behavior. As believers in Jesus Christ, we are called to rise above fear.

As I loaded my groceries in my trunk and the cars continued to flood the parking lot with people literally running into the store, I heard the birds chirping. I closed my eyes and simply listened. I remembered a conversation Jesus had with some of his followers. Consider the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap or store away in barns and yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not more valuable than they? Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself (Matthew 6:26, 34). I breathed deep the goodness of God, and I smiled as I passed my cart to the next panicked shopper.

Our God created this world out of nothing. He sustains all things by his powerful word. He spoke a word and the blind saw, the lame leapt, the sick were healed, and the dead were raised. He conquered death, hell, and broke down the dividing walls of separation.

When I live in fear, I am denying the power of God and trying to grasp control like trying to hold sand as it slips through my fingers. He is all powerful. How can I think that our sovereign God is not aware of this virus and does not have the power to provide for our needs? He knows the very hairs of my head and the number of grains of sand by the sea.

Trusting God, choosing not to fear, this is one way of loving God in this time of uncertainty.

Continue to Engage in Worship

We’ve heard from many of our churches. Some states are limiting large gatherings. This may affect the ways that you engage in worship time or community. But don’t let that be an excuse for taking a break from your pursuit of God. God is found by those who seek him. And Jesus is enthroned on the praises of his people.

Take the extra time from cancelled events, church related or otherwise, to get quiet before God. Tell him your concerns. He cares. Ask him how you can meet needs around you. Praise him for his protection and his provision. The sun rises and sets each day only by His command. Worship Him in the splendor of His holiness.

If your church offers streamed services, gather with a small group of friends or simply stream them in your own home. If this isn’t an option for you, many quality Gospel messages can be found on YouTube. Some of my favorites are Matt Chandler, Francis Chan, and John Piper. Allow your soul to be soaked in the truth of God’s word. It’s the one thing that can combat the mass hysteria in our culture right now.

Let’s continue to express our love to God even when we can’t do so corporately!

Know the Source of Your Information

The woman that created that sense of fear in my heart was not a quality source of information for me. More than likely, she is simply viscerally reacting to fear inducing news stories and maybe a conversation with a friend.

My family has determined that it is not healthy for us mentally or emotionally to engage in the news media. We do not watch national or local news shows. We do not follow the news on social media. We are well aware that the large majority of these sources blow stories out of the water creating cultures of fear, anger, and anxiety. The media leads our culture. And the more we engage in it, the more likely our hearts are to be led astray as well. We also realize that we need to have some form of information when it comes to current events. Personally, we choose to follow Christo-centric news sources such as Family Research Counsel and the Heritage Foundation. We also look for accurate and up to date information from original sources such as legislation in action, CDC, and the state health bulletins. If you choose to engage in the national or local news sources, please be aware that they typically only share what is most exciting or scary. They thrive on inducing fear. And their storytelling is typically embellished to make things more interesting.

Use wisdom. Be aware of where you are getting your information. Let’s love our neighbors by proclaiming truth and wisdom, not inciting fear and panic from non-credible sources.

Use Common Sense

Most of what is being recommended by the national health agencies right now should be common practice anyway. Hand washing was shown to have significant impact on decreasing the transmission of bacteria and viruses back in the 1850s (History of Handwashing). For some reason, it has lost popularity. Please wash your hands after touching high traffic surfaces – door knobs, light switches, tables, store check out counters, and restaurant tables. By all means, wash after using the restroom and before you eat. Common hand soap and running water for twenty seconds is sufficient. This is not hypervigilance, this is common sense.

Please stay home if you are feeling ill. The concern here is possible exposure to vulnerable populations and the continuation of spread of a virus. Elderly, and those with underlying health issues are most susceptible to long term health issues from this virus. We can love our neighbors by not unduly exposing them.

Please don’t overrun your hospitals for concerns over common colds. Know the symptoms of the virus, and seek medical help only if necessary. We need to manage our health personnel in a way that keeps them available for those who need them most.

Please don’t go crazy buying tons of hand sanitizer, Lysol, and medical masks. Our health industry – nurses, doctors and first responders need access to these as they are caring for those who truly are ill. If you wash your hands, don’t touch your face, and stay home when you’re ill, your need of these items are not essential.

Prepare but Don’t Panic

A major issue with mass stockpiling is the issue of supply and demand. Evidence is already speaking to this as bottles of hand sanitizer are going for hundreds of dollars on Amazon. Shelves are empty of diapers, toilet paper, canned goods and frozen meals. If I had jumped into the chaos stocking hundreds of diapers and rolls of toilet paper clearing the shelves of reserves, what would happen when the mom down to her last diaper needs one? Some people are not in a financial situation to stockpile and have to buy groceries and supplies as they are able. If the shelves are empty or the prices exorbitant, they will wind up lacking their needs.

As a Christian, I cannot simply consider my own needs, I am told to love my neighbor as myself. And I cannot reconcile mass stockpiling with considering the paycheck to paycheck single mom down the street.

Wisely, when it comes to being prepared, it might be prudent to have a week or two of shelf stable items in your home in case you get ill and need to stay away from others. This keeps you from exposing others at the store or pharmacy. When I was at Aldi, I decided that one extra box of diapers, a couple boxes of instant oatmeal, and some boxed mac which would give us a few extra options if we were home bound for a few days.

Consider Other’s Needs

As you think about how this crisis, possible shutdowns, and cancellation of events effects you, don’t forget to consider how the effect others as well.

What of the elderly lady who is home bound? Does she need groceries? Someone to pick up her medications? What of the poverty level kids who are not able to get meals at school for the next few weeks? Are their local programs you could donate to? Could you prep some meals or drop off some lunch items to a neighbor who may be hurting?

How can we be the body, the hands and feet, of Jesus in this time of Crisis? Look for the needs around you. Ask God to show you how to love your neighbor well. He will. Then act – out of love. 
Not fear!

Continue to Live Your Life

It’s tempting in times like this to immerse ourselves in the current event and forget that each minute, each day, our children are growing, our families are aging, and moments are passing. Use these times when you are home more together to invest in each other. Play games. Ask questions. Snuggle. Spend extra time with your spouse. Make memories.

Communicate to your kids this current crisis in terms they can understand, but don’t create fear. Communicate truth. Love your kids by leading them to Jesus when they are afraid. (Your children are your neighbors too.)

Do what you do with excellence and for the glory of God. Even the eating, drinking, cleaning, and wiping baby bottoms are ways that we can bring God glory if we choose to serve Him by serving those He’s blessed us with. Love God by loving others!

Friends, God’s got this! Might it be possible to look at this situation as more of an opportunity than a threat? How can you choose to rise above? How can you choose to love God and love others in the midst of the COVID-19 crisis? May we love Him and love others well! 

When Pain is Not The Problem

One night last week just before bedtime, my ten-year-old called me over. “Mom, I have a toothache, and my gum hurts a lot too.”

I did what any mom would do and grabbed a flashlight. Shining the bright LED into his mouth, I saw a red, swollen gum where he pointed to the source of the pain. “Ouch, dude. That looks like it hurts. How long has that been going on?” I asked.

“Since Saturday.” He responded.

I called my husband over, and we both made the decision that we should probably make a trip to the dentist in the morning. It could be a cavity or even headed toward an abscess. Anxiety rose in my heart as I thought about how this might affect our next few days – the time involved, the cost, and managing his pain. We gave him some ibuprofen and ushered him to bed.

I didn’t sleep well that night, and the next morning, I felt my nerves on edge until we called the dentist’s office and settled on a 9:00 appointment. We quickly got the kids ready and gathered the school books – can’t let an appointment turn the school day on its head! And we headed out the door.

My mind raced as I thought through all the possibilities as the road moved under our tires. Would they do something today? Would we have to schedule another appointment later this week or even several appointments? How would he handle the procedure(s)? And most of all, I felt like some sort of failure for not teaching him to brush his teeth better. Cue “bad mom syndrome.”

I sat in the waiting room with the younger boys while my husband went back with the oldest. I bounced my knees with nervous energy. What were they finding? What was taking so long? In reality, they were probably not gone more than about twenty minutes, but it felt like an eternity.

When they emerged, my son made a bee-line for the video games, and my husband walked over. He shrugged his shoulders. “Everything is good.” He stated calmly. I’m sure my mouth dropped. “His teeth are all intact, no decay, no infection. It’s just his adult teeth trying to push the baby molars out. The dentist said to encourage him to wiggle them more to get the little ones out of the way.”

I blinked a few times as the news settled in. My son was growing up. He was in pain because he is growing into the man God wants him to be. Wiggle the tooth. The new one will come in. Everything is okay. The pain is not a problem.

We got back in the car, and I drove in silence as I processed this rather good news. And it revealed something to me – Pain is not always a problem. It does not always signify a problem. Sometimes it signifies growth. In some ways, I felt like an idiot for not thinking through that possibility in the midst of all my worrying. But in other ways, I wonder if God allowed this small speed bump to teach me a deeper lesson.

We are trained to look at pain as a problem. We are raised with the ideas that pain is your body’s way of telling you something is wrong. The sore throat tells you you’re sick. The headache states that you’re tired, stressed, or in need of coffee. The burning lungs might signify asthma, and the aching heart can whisper of loss. We pull our hands away from heat so we don’t get burned. We add layers if we are tingly cold. We step away from relationships that seem too hurtful.

On the other hand, the aching gums tell us we are growing up and getting new teeth (yup, I know this now). The burning muscles tell us new fibers are being added and we are getting stronger. And the rhythmic tightening of the womb tells us we are about to birth new life. Pain doesn’t always mean something is wrong. Sometimes, pain tells us that something is very much right!

The problem comes when we look at all pain from the same angle without taking time to understand its source or its message. We feel a sensation that sends a signal to our brain – “pain” is the message that is communicated from that source. But the nerve impulse doesn’t differentiate between bad pain and good pain. It’s just all sensed as “pain”.

The nervous system is incredible in its ability to warn us of a problem. God created it this way, and it is very good. I’m amazed at how quickly we will remove our finger from the poke of the needle before we even consciously realize that we were pricked. Pain is in place to protect us from further injury.

But pain is also present in growth – as in the case of my son’s tooth. His gums were being “injured” to some degree. His nerves were sending a message to his brain which communicated pain. The process of the baby teeth being replaced by the adult teeth can be painful as the mouth makes room for the larger molars. But that pain signifies growth, not a problem. So my getting worked up over a potential problem actually served to create much more stress than was ever necessary. There wasn't a problem after all!

What if, when we sensed pain, we took an honest look at it? What if, rather than working ourselves into a frenzy, we slowed down and considered all the options? What if we looked at pain as a gift rather than a problem? What if we saw it as potential for growth rather than an inhibitor to our lives? What if we pushed into it rather than avoiding it?

The adult tooth will take longer to come in if my son does nothing. The dentist said to wiggle the baby one, to work on getting it out of the way. If my son tries to ignore the pain and live his life, the pain will last longer. But if he wiggles that tooth, the new one can break through and he will grow one step closer to being a man.

What do you need to wiggle today rather than worrying about or ignoring? It’s natural to want to avoid what hurts us, but what if engaging is what it takes to see a friendship blossom? It’s easy to worry when we don’t understand cause, but what if taking time to understand brought clarity? It’s tempting to pretend everything is okay, but what if getting honest with ourselves is how healing comes?

We have a choice in how we handle our pain. We can worry about it. We can try to avoid it. Or we can wiggle it and see what potential lies under the surface.

It might just be that a new tooth is ready to emerge!