One night last week just before bedtime, my ten-year-old
called me over. “Mom, I have a toothache, and my gum hurts a lot too.”
I did what any mom would do and grabbed a flashlight. Shining
the bright LED into his mouth, I saw a red, swollen gum where he pointed to the
source of the pain. “Ouch, dude. That looks like it hurts. How long has that
been going on?” I asked.
“Since Saturday.” He responded.
I called my husband over, and we both made the decision that
we should probably make a trip to the dentist in the morning. It could be a cavity
or even headed toward an abscess. Anxiety rose in my heart as I thought about
how this might affect our next few days – the time involved, the cost, and
managing his pain. We gave him some ibuprofen and ushered him to bed.
I didn’t sleep well that night, and the next morning, I felt
my nerves on edge until we called the dentist’s office and settled on a 9:00
appointment. We quickly got the kids ready and gathered the school books – can’t
let an appointment turn the school day on its head! And we headed out the door.
My mind raced as I thought through all the possibilities as
the road moved under our tires. Would they do something today? Would we have to
schedule another appointment later this week or even several appointments? How
would he handle the procedure(s)? And most of all, I felt like some sort of
failure for not teaching him to brush his teeth better. Cue “bad mom syndrome.”
I sat in the waiting room with the younger boys while my
husband went back with the oldest. I bounced my knees with nervous energy. What
were they finding? What was taking so long? In reality, they were probably not gone
more than about twenty minutes, but it felt like an eternity.
When they emerged, my son made a bee-line for the video
games, and my husband walked over. He shrugged his shoulders. “Everything is
good.” He stated calmly. I’m sure my mouth dropped. “His teeth are all intact,
no decay, no infection. It’s just his adult teeth trying to push the baby
molars out. The dentist said to encourage him to wiggle them more to get the
little ones out of the way.”
I blinked a few times as the news settled in. My son was
growing up. He was in pain because he is growing into the man God wants him to
be. Wiggle the tooth. The new one will come in. Everything is okay. The pain is
not a problem.
We got back in the car, and I drove in silence as I processed
this rather good news. And it revealed something to me – Pain is not always a
problem. It does not always signify a problem. Sometimes it signifies growth.
In some ways, I felt like an idiot for not thinking through that possibility in
the midst of all my worrying. But in other ways, I wonder if God allowed this
small speed bump to teach me a deeper lesson.
We are trained to look at pain as a problem. We are raised
with the ideas that pain is your body’s way of telling you something is wrong.
The sore throat tells you you’re sick. The headache states that you’re tired,
stressed, or in need of coffee. The burning lungs might signify asthma, and the
aching heart can whisper of loss. We pull our hands away from heat so we don’t
get burned. We add layers if we are tingly cold. We step away from
relationships that seem too hurtful.
On the other hand, the aching gums tell us we are growing up
and getting new teeth (yup, I know this now). The burning muscles tell us new
fibers are being added and we are getting stronger. And the rhythmic tightening
of the womb tells us we are about to birth new life. Pain doesn’t always mean
something is wrong. Sometimes, pain tells us that something is very much right!
The problem comes when we look at all pain from the same
angle without taking time to understand its source or its message. We feel a
sensation that sends a signal to our brain – “pain” is the message that is
communicated from that source. But the nerve impulse doesn’t differentiate between
bad pain and good pain. It’s just all sensed as “pain”.
The nervous system is incredible in its ability to warn us of
a problem. God created it this way, and it is very good. I’m amazed at how
quickly we will remove our finger from the poke of the needle before we even
consciously realize that we were pricked. Pain is in place to protect us from
further injury.
But pain is also present in growth – as in the case of my
son’s tooth. His gums were being “injured” to some degree. His nerves were
sending a message to his brain which communicated pain. The process of the baby
teeth being replaced by the adult teeth can be painful as the mouth makes room
for the larger molars. But that pain signifies growth, not a problem. So my getting worked up over a potential problem actually served to create much more stress than was ever necessary. There wasn't a problem after all!
What if, when we sensed pain, we took an honest look at it?
What if, rather than working ourselves into a frenzy, we slowed down and
considered all the options? What if we looked at pain as a gift rather than a
problem? What if we saw it as potential for growth rather than an inhibitor to
our lives? What if we pushed into it rather than avoiding it?
The adult tooth will take longer to come in if my son does nothing.
The dentist said to wiggle the baby one, to work on getting it out of the way.
If my son tries to ignore the pain and live his life, the pain will last longer.
But if he wiggles that tooth, the new one can break through and he will grow
one step closer to being a man.
What do you need to wiggle today rather than worrying about
or ignoring? It’s natural to want to avoid what hurts us, but what if engaging
is what it takes to see a friendship blossom? It’s easy to worry when we don’t
understand cause, but what if taking time to understand brought clarity? It’s
tempting to pretend everything is okay, but what if getting honest with ourselves is how healing comes?
We have a choice in how we handle our pain. We can worry about it. We can try to avoid it. Or we can wiggle it and see what potential lies under the surface.
It might just be that a new tooth is ready to emerge!
❤
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