Body Image and the Fear of God

What does the fear of God have to do with my body image anyhow? I rolled the question around my mind and wondered if that really was the key to the struggle that had been weighing on my mind so heavily recently.

Ever since my fourth little boy was born, I’ve bemoaned the ways my body has morphed into someone I don’t even recognize any longer. Pants are the worst! Finding a pair that is both modest and flattering seems nearly impossible. And who has money to buy a totally new wardrobe anyhow? Not to mention, I wasn’t about to spend money on clothing that was a size larger!

The struggle was real! After my third boy, I had a paradigm shift in my thinking about food. For so long, I had lived with the mentality of fad diets and/or depriving my body in order to lose weight. Not only did I realize that this was wreaking havoc on my metabolism, but it wasn’t glorifying God with my body. And that’s what I was called to – 1 Corinthians 6:19 – your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, therefore, honor God with your body. So I studied nutrition (extensively); I learned what God created my body to consume, my needs, and how to enjoy the foods God provided without guilt! I lost weight – lots. I also learned to move my body like it was meant to move, to rest, and to manage stress in a Spirit filled way. Viva Gloria – living the glorious life. Walking in the Spirit. It was beautiful!

Why wasn’t the weight coming off this time? I was so frustrated. I know that my stress level was higher. I was getting less sleep. And I was nursing an injury that was limiting my ability to move like I wanted to. But still – I wanted more.

The truth is (and it’s nasty): I wanted people to notice again. I wanted the compliments. And I wanted to feel good about myself. PRIDE. Yep. That’s what it is. I was at the center of my thinking. How quickly right motive morph into selfish desires. I started out with the purpose of walking in the Spirit and honoring God, I slide down the slope of self-image sin.

I was more concerned about what my friend was going to say the next time she saw me than how God could use me to minister to her heart.

My heart had become ugly. Workouts took priority (for a while) over my time with God and my time with my sons and cost me energy reserves that both were more worthy of. I would eat healthy (for a time) until I got emotional and needed a quick chocolate fix or something more. Eventually, I gave way to eating whatever I felt like again (and this definitely didn’t help the body image cycle).

So I’ve experienced both sides of this coin. . . really walking in step with God and being in tune with His Spirit and seeing results, morphing into prideful body image, self-made ideals of weight loss, and shame when results didn’t happen (and easily falling back into an “I don’t care” mentality). –Maybe there’s more than two sides of this coin. ;)

I never really thought I had an issue with fear of man when it came to my body. I mean, I wasn’t really scared of how other people saw me. I’ve never been really hurt by comments or teasing. But I see now that fear doesn’t have to mean fear in a way I understand it. When I put more value on how others perceive me and less on what God sees in my heart at that moment (whether it is concern for another woman or the third cookie I want to put in my mouth), I am fearing man more than I fear God.

Father, teach me to fear you only with my body – what I eat, how I sleep, how I move, and how I relate to those around me. And may I live this glorious life that you’ve prepared for me – for your glory alone!