The Lie and the Truth of the Failing Mom

“Failure!” I heard it scream in my heart. “Failure!” You’re leaving your kids with unmet needs. You’re incapable of getting your baby to stay asleep. You’re pushing your oldest through his schoolwork. You’re doing too much housework. You’re not working out enough. “Failure!” I heard threatening my identity when I didn’t hear the phone the 5^th time my husband called, and I didn’t hear the doorbell the three times he rang it. “Failure!” It’s all my fault he’s late for work.

Each day, one moment is melting into another as I get lost in the swirl and chaos of four little boys age 5 and under. The oldest needs help with school. The youngest needs his most basic biological needs met (which for anyone who has never had experience with an infant, it takes a lot of time to do so!!!). The two in the middle – well, where do they fit in? I try to find things for them to play with, watch, of do (shoot, I’m probably letting them watch too many movies right now – failure!) while I help the oldest and the youngest. And somewhere in here, someone has to make meals, feed kids, wipe bums, change diapers, clean dishes, clean clothes, bathe bodies and wipe snotty noses. (Forget mamma getting a shower – who has time for that?)

Try to get up early? Yep, tried – but when you get 3-4 hours of sleep because said littlest has needs overnight, you don’t even hear your alarm go off in the morning. Tried getting naps too, but my brain won’t slow down long enough to let me relax.

So this is where I’ve found myself this afternoon – on my couch with my computer, coffee, and a cookie (mamma’s got to get some endorphins from somewhere) willing that my youngest does not awake from his afternoon nap too early.

I’ve had experience with these emotions before. They are nothing new. I’ve heard that word – failure – it’s all too familiar.

I’ve come to see this for what it is – a lie.
And I’ve come to see this for what it is – the truth.

The Lie

Let me explain. The truth of the matter is that my kids are alive. They are well fed. They are hearing the word of God on a regular basis. They are getting hugs and kisses, and for the most part, plenty of sleep. The oldest is learning to read and do his addition. My house is not a pig sty. Most days we have clean clothes to wear – and I get a shower at least once a week! All of this signifies that I’m not “failing” on a routine basis.

That’s why this is a lie! there’s only one who wants me to feel a failure in this way (my enemy). Why? Because he wants me to give up. He doesn’t like the potential of what it could look like for parents to raise four boys for the glory of their Creator. That scares him. So if he can just get me to get discouraged and think it’s not worth it or that I cannot do it, I may just give up and decrease the potential of the amazing impact my boys could have on the world around them. (Do not lose heart in doing good – for in due time, you will receive a reward if you do not give up!)

The Truth

The truth of the matter is that this word. This “failure” is in fact very true. I have yet to meet a woman who can do it all – the perfect house, the perfect kids (especially when there is more than one), the perfect decisions to please everyone around her, the perfect body, etc. And I am no exception to the rule. 

That's why this is the truth! There’s only One who wants me to feel a failure in this way (my Savior). Why? Because until I can admit my inadequacies, I cannot accept His all sufficiency. Because until I can admit my weakness, I cannot grasp His Strength. Because until I can confess my foolishness, I cannot understand His wisdom. (For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength).

It’s only when I realize my failings that I can begin to trust God’s sovereignty. It’s only when I come to Him with empty hands that He can fill them. His grace is sufficient. His strength is made perfect in my weakness – so it is, when I am weak, I am strong.

I, myself, am a failure. I cannot do it. But Christ in me is more than enough – and when I live out of that truth, I see that He will do exceedingly more than I could ask or think. For my God is enough. His presence in me is enough. And he makes my failures into more than enough to be used for His glory!

Edit March 2020: 

The original post was created five years ago. In all honesty, it hasn't gotten easier - just different. We've added two boys, moved to a smaller house, weathered a mental health crisis, and now we sit in self-quarantine during the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic. Life is hard, and perhaps it always will be. But through it all, I have discovered that my pursuit of truth and the glory of God is crucial in maintaining proper perspective. 

None of us are enough for this job of mothering (and many who have just been thrust into full time stay-at-home-home-school-mom status due to this crisis may feel beyond overwhelmed!) I see you. I care! If you can find even a moment today (put on a virtual field trip for the kids or send them to the backyard to run around) to breathe, take it. Find a spot of beauty (a house plant, a warm shower, a photo album, some music). Take a minute to just be. Realize that Christ is here - even in the midst of this chaos. He is still in control. His strength is still enough. 

He's got this, Mamma! He's got you! And you've got this in His strength! Take your next step with Him today, and trust Him for the one after that. Grace and Peace!

What do You do When You Feel Like You've Failed as a Catalyst of Revival?

Yesterday morning I got up, I sought God, and I had a very sweet time! I went into my day walking in His Spirit. Feeling lead by His presence, I saw my husband, my boys, and my household duties in a new light.

But as the sun rose in the sky, so did the edge of my emotions. Several small things happened that were little thorns in my flesh - nuances, per se', but irritating nonetheless. My emotions wanted to react quickly that things were not going as planned, and I wanted the world to know it. Thankfully, still being early in the day, I cried out for God's grace and strength, gave Him these frustrations, and let them go.

We spent some time as a family in the afternoon, and by 3:30pm, both of my boys were done. They were crabby, whiny, and had an extremely hard time listening and obeying. My buttons were being pushed again. I wanted to get them down for naps as quickly as possible, but as you know, kids have a way of taking their sweet time when you most want them to hurry up. My reaction was so sudden that I didn't even notice it before it was on my tongue. I snapped at my husband and treated my boys more harshly than I should. Immediately, I was embarrassed at the steam coming out of my ears and my rapid response. I bit my tongue, not believing what I had just allowed to escape. Where was my consciousness of God's Spirit at that moment?

I sought forgiveness from those I had offended and laid down for a nap, crying myself to sleep and hoping that some rest might help clear my Spirit's vision. On waking, I felt more edgy than before. I felt wasted, exhausted, like I had given everything I was. I felt selfish. I wanted some personal time. I needed some time. I deserved some time. Hadn't I given enough for one day?

As soon as the thoughts arose, so did the guilt. How could I even be thinking these things? I want to see revival in my life...in the lives of my family. I want to seek to be like Christ. I want to glorify Him and see Him lifted up at the center of all I do. How could I even consider my own needs? Yet, despite the guilt, my desire for my own way was growing and spiraling out of control. I felt overwhelmed with how strong these desires were. I knew I couldn't control them. I felt weak, and once again I called out for God's strength to be made perfect in me at that moment. But for some reason, I didn't get an immediate empowering. Nothing miraculous happened.

My husband caught me in this moment of weakness, and received a helping of my rapidly growing emotions. Once again the guilt grew. I was failing miserably. How could this happen after such a wonderful time with God that morning. It was like a switch was flipped. I felt in sorts like Jekyll and Hyde. I composed myself just enough to let my husband know I needed a few moments, and I fled to my corner. (I have a chair, fountain, and items of comfort set around in the corner of my bedroom. It becomes my place to seek God - my prayer closet of sorts).

On arriving, I fell to my knees. My body shook as I couldn't hold back the sobs. I was trying so hard, God. I desperately want to walk with you - to have you meet me on a moment by moment basis. But then I fail so miserably! How could you ever use a weak vessel like me?

What do I do when I feel like I've failed as a catalyst of Revival?

God's Spirit met with me in that sweet time and lead my to Lamentations.

Lam. 3:21-25, 40-41
But this I call to mind, and therefore, I have hope. The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. His mercies never come to and end. They are new every morning. Great is they faithfulness. The Lord is my portion says my soul. Therefore I will hope in Him. The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him...Let us test and examine our ways and return to the Lord. Let us lift up our hearts and hands to God in heaven.

And this is what He said:

1) Remember: You serve a merciful God. He does not reject me as a useful vessel because I don't get it right the first time. vs. 22-23

2) Be Willing: It's not up to you to be perfect, but it is up to you to be willing... a vessel that his perfection can shine through. (The Lord is my portion...hope in Him) vs. 24

3) Wait: He waits and longs for you to seek Him. And He desires to bless those that wait for Him. vs. 25-26

4) Return: I must continue to seek Him for personal revival. (Let us test and examine our ways and return.) vs. 40-41

Do you feel like you have failed? Do you feel unusable? Unfit? Weak? GREAT! God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things, and the despised things, and the things that are not to nullify the things that are so that no one can boast before Him! He's not through with you!

Join me in pursuing God. Run to Him. Ask Him to seek and know your heart. Confess that which may be brought to mind, and go and live in His Freedom and Forgiveness!

*If you'd like to read about the commitment that I have made and why, please see the previous post. Let me know if you are joining with me on this Road to Revival! I'd love to hear from you!

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