When the Scale Doesn't Move, Eat a Cookie

I looked down at the scale; my lips curled into a frown. I had my baby 5 weeks ago, and I was barely down 7 pounds. Sighing deeply, I moved to the bookshelf and retrieved the diet book. Guess it’s time to pull up my big girl pants - literally - and do this. I flipped through the pages and found the information I was looking for - low carb cleanse. It had worked before, so I purposed to stock my pantry and fridge with the required items and follow the plan. I couldn’t wait to see the pounds melt off.

Five days later, I skipped to the scale expecting to see big results. As the number appeared, my mouth dropped in horror. What was wrong with this thing? It hadn’t budged!

Dinner Arrives

A friend had volunteered to bring us dinner that night. As the food came in and my house filled with the smells of warm comfort, my stomach rumbled in desire. It had been a long day, and I was hungry - really hungry. I thanked my friend and unpacked hot chicken pot pie, bread sticks, salad, and just-out-of-the-oven chocolate chip cookies. Ohhh! Chocolate chip - my favorite! My mouth watered, but I stood there dumbfounded. Of all this glorious dinner, only the salad fit my low carb plan. I felt the tears fill my eyes as I stared at the wafting steam from the dishes. What was I going to do?

I retreated to my room where I cried angry. God, this diet has worked before. Why isn’t it working this time? I’m trying to be so faithful, but I’m so hungry!

I started to weigh my options. I could pitch the whole thing and just enjoy myself. But where was the self-control in that? I could stick with my diet and just eat a salad; but I knew that wouldn’t fill my stomach making me even more emotional, and it wouldn’t give me the calories I desperately needed in order to feed my baby.

My Body, His Temple

As I sat there, 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 came to mind. “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”

If my body is the temple of the almighty God, then he must know exactly what my body needs at each given moment. Maybe I should ask him what he thinks? So that’s what I did. Over the course of the next half hour or so, my loving Father led my heart to several passages of Scripture and began a paradigm shift that would change my life.

“‘All things are lawful for me,’ but not all things are helpful. ‘All things are lawful for me,’ but I will not be dominated by anything’" (1 Corinthians 6:13).

The enticing food sitting on my kitchen counter was not bad, wrong, or unlawful for me to consume. The question I had to consider was whether it would be helpful or controlling in that moment.

I began to ponder the options I had laid before myself. If I threw up my hands and indulged my every appetite, the very food that I was consuming would be taking mastery over me.

“I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. You shall have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:2-3).

In that moment, my eyes were opened to the truth. If it was possible for food to become an idol in my life, could it be that - even in my desire to be healthy and do things right - my diet could also become a little “g” god in my life? Maybe my diet and my desire for health wasn’t exactly aligned with God’s design for my body.

“For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer” (1 Timothy 4:4-5).

If I chose not to eat any of the food provided because of my fear (fear of calories, the scale, messing up the diet, etc.), I was revealing the pride and ingratitude of my heart. And my well meaning diet was pushing me further away from the woman God wanted me to be.

My eyes began to clear as I realized my struggle wasn’t ultimately food. The issue at hand wasn’t even what the scale read at the end of the day. The question I had to ask myself was that of my heart’s posture. Who or what was I bowing to? My appetites? My diet? Some idea of what I should look like?

All those times in the past that I stressed myself out because of the rules of a diet or how fast the weight was (or was not) coming off, I was bowing to those things. The diet and the scale - both becoming my master. I was worshiping them before I was worshiping God.

Thank you God, for creating my body. I’m sorry I haven’t been treating it like your temple. I’m sorry I’ve had my own ideas of what I should look like, how I should eat or what I should weigh. I’m sorry I’ve never asked you. Could you give me wisdom? You promise it when I ask (James 1:5). Give me your vision for my physical body. Show me how to take care of this temple for your glory!

Food for the Stomach and Soul

As I returned to the table, new peace and joy flooded my heart. I did eat a hearty salad and a modest portion of the pot pie. And as I reached for a cookie, I felt God smile.

I returned to my room with that one cookie, sat on my bed, lifted it toward my face and inhaled deeply. Thank you, God for the cow that gave the milk that made the cream for the butter in this cookie. Thank you God for the chicken that laid the egg that was put in this cookie. Thank you God for the field that grew the wheat that produced the flour that is in this cookie. Thank you God for cocoa beans that got processed into chocolate chips that flavor this cookie.

Eating the Cookie

That chocolate chip cookie was probably pretty ordinary. Nothing spectacular went into that recipe. But that chocolate chip cookie - when I received it with a heart of gratitude - was the most delightful cookie I had ever eaten!

Sometimes glorifying God in my body is eating the cookie in gratitude. Other times, it is allowing the Holy Spirit to produce his self-control in my life and leaving the cookie on the tray.

Learning to bow to God alone is not a one-size-fits-all method. As I’ve learned to treat my body as God’s temple, I’ve seen that what is best for me may not be what is best for my friend. It’s really all about learning to walk in step with Him. Moment by moment.

May God be glorified in us as we live (and eat) for Him!

This post was originally published on True Woman Blog.

Body Image and the Fear of God

What does the fear of God have to do with my body image anyhow? I rolled the question around my mind and wondered if that really was the key to the struggle that had been weighing on my mind so heavily recently.

Ever since my fourth little boy was born, I’ve bemoaned the ways my body has morphed into someone I don’t even recognize any longer. Pants are the worst! Finding a pair that is both modest and flattering seems nearly impossible. And who has money to buy a totally new wardrobe anyhow? Not to mention, I wasn’t about to spend money on clothing that was a size larger!

The struggle was real! After my third boy, I had a paradigm shift in my thinking about food. For so long, I had lived with the mentality of fad diets and/or depriving my body in order to lose weight. Not only did I realize that this was wreaking havoc on my metabolism, but it wasn’t glorifying God with my body. And that’s what I was called to – 1 Corinthians 6:19 – your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, therefore, honor God with your body. So I studied nutrition (extensively); I learned what God created my body to consume, my needs, and how to enjoy the foods God provided without guilt! I lost weight – lots. I also learned to move my body like it was meant to move, to rest, and to manage stress in a Spirit filled way. Viva Gloria – living the glorious life. Walking in the Spirit. It was beautiful!

Why wasn’t the weight coming off this time? I was so frustrated. I know that my stress level was higher. I was getting less sleep. And I was nursing an injury that was limiting my ability to move like I wanted to. But still – I wanted more.

The truth is (and it’s nasty): I wanted people to notice again. I wanted the compliments. And I wanted to feel good about myself. PRIDE. Yep. That’s what it is. I was at the center of my thinking. How quickly right motive morph into selfish desires. I started out with the purpose of walking in the Spirit and honoring God, I slide down the slope of self-image sin.

I was more concerned about what my friend was going to say the next time she saw me than how God could use me to minister to her heart.

My heart had become ugly. Workouts took priority (for a while) over my time with God and my time with my sons and cost me energy reserves that both were more worthy of. I would eat healthy (for a time) until I got emotional and needed a quick chocolate fix or something more. Eventually, I gave way to eating whatever I felt like again (and this definitely didn’t help the body image cycle).

So I’ve experienced both sides of this coin. . . really walking in step with God and being in tune with His Spirit and seeing results, morphing into prideful body image, self-made ideals of weight loss, and shame when results didn’t happen (and easily falling back into an “I don’t care” mentality). –Maybe there’s more than two sides of this coin. ;)

I never really thought I had an issue with fear of man when it came to my body. I mean, I wasn’t really scared of how other people saw me. I’ve never been really hurt by comments or teasing. But I see now that fear doesn’t have to mean fear in a way I understand it. When I put more value on how others perceive me and less on what God sees in my heart at that moment (whether it is concern for another woman or the third cookie I want to put in my mouth), I am fearing man more than I fear God.

Father, teach me to fear you only with my body – what I eat, how I sleep, how I move, and how I relate to those around me. And may I live this glorious life that you’ve prepared for me – for your glory alone!

Life to Life and Heart to Heart

It has been quite a while since I've written on this blog. And for some time now, I have been wanting to share what God has been doing in my heart and life this spring. I've been on a journey of what it really means to live in the Spirit - to walk, moment by moment in His presence: To live fully.

Saint Irenaeus made a famous statement: "The glory of God is man fully alive." And that's the journey I've been on - discovering what it is to live fully in His presence, each moment, each day. I'm still on this journey, and I would like to take you with me.

I had been debating writing blog posts about my experiences and what I'm learning, but I don't think I can embellish it any more than my heart has already expressed it. The best way to speak to a life is with a life; the best way to speak to a heart is a heart. So, if you will allow me, I would like to share my journal/prayers with you so you can see what God has been doing in my heart - my struggles, my triumphs, my deep emotion. Warning: some of this is raw, but I know that transparency and openness opens the doors for greater growth.

Over the next several days, these posts may be a little longer as I am trying to catch you up on the last few months of journal entries. I pray that your heart is challenged as my heart has been. Blessings on you!

Journal (starting Mother's day 2013)

 

May 12, 2013

 MOTHERS DAY! And I really wanted to even avoid getting this time alone for my heart in the first place. It’s just too overwhelming. Nothing even makes sense how I could ever reconcile who I am and who I feel I should be….Thinker, future planner, organizer, doer…. Or present, in tune, involved, fully alive. They seem opposite and scream for each their own way. The pull between the two nearly ripping my heart in two right now. Demands, demands from my own needs, demands from my kids, demands from life – both controllable and uncontrollable. Some things I can make fit, barely. But what about all the others that threaten my very existence?
 

No longer bound to the law – but to love. How many times do I choose not to act in love each day… Love God, first and foremost. Love others. But I almost err on loving myself – and that’s not love to either God or others. But then I ask the question – Doing budget, and paying bills – who is that loving? Is it merely a necessary evil? A demand on my time that has no morality or reward? What about if I didn’t complete those things because I wanted to use that time to “love” those around me …. When the electricity, gas, and hot water go because we cannot afford them, and we have no food on the table because we cannot afford it….who is that loving then? So it does have its place, but what about when Eli and Gabe are vying for my attention and I just need to get it done so that I can play with them, read to them, or get them something else to eat. How do I communicate the importance of what I’m doing to such little minds. And when I’m interrupted 12 times in an hour, it takes so much longer to even get done.
 

 So then back to the main question. Who am I? Who did God create me to be? Surely they can be reconciled!!! God would not create something impossible. He has a special plan, a special purpose, and I want so badly to live up to that full potential. But how?
 

 I feel I repetitively ask this question. So what am I missing?
 

 I try to fit in big rocks first – but what if You have too many?  The handles of the pack just keep breaking. If I cannot figure out how to carry simply my big rocks, how can I keep carrying everyone else's? Even if they are little ones, I cannot carry them if my pack is dysfunctional.
 

 What’s the secret? I know it’s not merely planning, organizing, and thinking…some of it has to be deeper – trust, listening, waiting, walking, stepping, thanking, being. How do you learn each of these things if you’ve never been taught.

 

 

 I really never had a good example of that kind of lifestyle. Don’t get me wrong, I had great parents, but they didn’t know how to BE well. They did a great job planning, thinking and doing. But being, what is just being? I know that cannot be one’s mentality at all times, but how do you adapt that mentality if you’ve never been shown?

 

5/13/13

Father, I’m torn. I read Rachel’s blog about all of the weight that she has lost and kept off, and I too, want to go on some radical, body cleansing, diet to lose weight fast. But I know in my heart, my purpose for that rapid weight loss would be for my own benefit – the way I feel about my body and the way that others look at me. In my heart, I also know that my body is your temple, yet I haven’t been treating it as such recently. Though I’ve been doing some workouts and eating somewhat healthy, I’ve continued to go to eating first when I am emotional or tired. I’ve filled my house with sweets and felt like a victim that must consume them so that they will be gone and I can start over again. I’ve become a slave to that which I worship. Food. Body image. Exercise. There’s this ambiguous thought of the perfect weight and body that I should be, and really, my focus has been on that rather than my heart before you and my submission to your will when it comes to my body and mind.
 

 Lord, I am not my own. I am bought with a price, created in your image to be like Christ Jesus. I have been given his Mind. I have direct communion with the Head, and I want to grow as you have created me to grow – in my heart, my emotions, my mind, and my body. I confess that I haven’t been living in the freedom of the Spirit – I’ve been living according to some sort of rules and regulations (what my body should look like, be capable of, and human ideas of nutrition – or rather weight loss strategies.)
 

 The weight is not my problem – my focus is. I long to understand the way you created my body. For you created both it and food. You created nutritional systems to be utilized to their fullest potential, and I long to grasp that. You’ve also created my mind. Give me wisdom as I search for your best. Help me to understand that my focus should be on your glorification in my Body and not my glorification. Forgive me for my selfish, idolatrous focus. Help me to fix my eyes on you!



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