For us, that choice had to do with our dog. “It’s only a
dog.” Some might mutter while others accuse “She was your dog! How could you?”
Yesterday we told our dog goodbye and watched her walk away with her new owner
to her new home. The tears fill my eyes now even as I write that. I never
wanted it to be this way. I had so many dreams of her being our family dog
forever.
We didn’t come to the decision to re-home our dog lightly. It
took months, maybe even years to really realize the truth that we were no
longer capable of giving her everything she needed. Ultimately, after seeking
God and talking together, my husband and I knew it was time for our Gracie-girl
to find a new home – one that could give her much more attention than we could
at this phase in our lives. But the truth didn’t stop the ache in my heart.
We all make hard choices, some more difficult than others.
Maybe for you it was saying goodbye to a child, knowing someone else could
provide them with a more nurturing home. Maybe it was letting go of a
relationship you knew wasn’t healthy or best. Maybe it was choosing to say “enough”
to medical intervention and watching your loved one pass away peacefully. Maybe
your hard choice was a single occurrence of turning down a solid job opportunity
to choose your family instead, or maybe you’ve said no time after time to the
advances of a co-worker choosing to honor your marriage commitment even though
it’s hard. Your choice may have been like ours to re-home a pet or say goodbye permanently
so they no longer have to suffer.
As believers in Christ, we are called to look for wisdom
then to obey, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Whatever your choice, I’m sure
it has touched your heart as ours has mine. What do you do when the right
choice is hard? What do you do when it threatens to break your heart? Here are five
things that have helped me. I hope they help you too!
Don’t self-medicate. When my heart hurts, I don’t
like it. I’m uncomfortable, and it doesn’t feel good. The first thing my flesh
wants to run to are fillers and distractions – a big bowl of ice cream, a
novel, a TV show or movie, a nap, lots of dark chocolate, maybe even a run if I
have that much pent up energy. Now none of these things are wrong in their own
light. God gives us all gifts for our enjoyment and delight in him. The problem
comes when I run to those things first and only, when I look to the food, the
drinks, the entertainment to fill me back up again.
The only source of our life is Christ. “In Him
was life” (John 1:4). “In Him we live and move and have our being” (Acts
17:28). “I have come that they may have life and have it to the full” (John
10:10). Anything we look to in order to bring us life other than Christ himself
is a cheap substitute and ultimately becomes an idol in our lives.
Staci Eldridge addresses this problem in
her book Captivating. “. . . none of these really satisfy, and so we
find ourselves trying to fill the remaining emptiness with our little
indulgences (we call them ‘bad habits’). Brent Curtis calls them our ‘little
affairs of the heart.’ They are what we give our hearts away to instead of
giving them to the heart of God” (57). The substitutes and self-medicating may
make us feel better for a while, but ultimately, they will leave us empty and
as unfulfilled as before.
Instead of taking my heart and hiding it or
distracting my heart from the pain, I have to realize that God longs to have my
heart – All of it! “You will seek me and you will find me when you seek for me
with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13). God cares about our aches and pains no
matter how little they may seem to someone else, and he longs for us to pour
out our heart to him. (Psalm 62:8)
Don’t listen to accusations. Everyone in the
world has an opinion about your life – especially everyone on social media. You
would not believe some of the things that people said about our decision as we
were looking for a new home for our dog. People who didn’t even know me felt
the freedom to condemn and insult. (That’s another post for another day) It
hurt! It cut deeply. The saying goes, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but
words will never hurt me.” So. Not. True. Bone heal, and they heal stronger.
Hearts almost always carry scars from words rashly spoken.
Our enemy likes to take these accusations
along with our own hurt and exhaustion and twist them into tempting morsels for
us to chew on. I have to think the prophet Elijah was in a similar boat being
the only prophet to stand for God in the midst of a crooked and perverse
generation. Right after he called down fire from God to the alter on the
mountain and prayed for it to rain, he found himself in the wilderness so
depressed and discouraged that he asked God to let him die. Jezebel was after
him. He probably felt like everyone was after him. But after a nap, and as he
sought God, he found him. It wasn’t in the earthquake or the whirlwind or the
fire, but afterward, he heard it – the still small voice speaking truth to his
heart.
Our world, our culture can be so loud.
Comments can echo around our head and heart until they seem like the only truths
left. But it’s not in the noise of our social media contacts that we are going
to hear words of truth from the mouth of the one who assured, “I am the way and
the truth. . .” (John 14:6). Jesus spoke of the Holy Spirit in John 16:13, “He
will guide you into all truth.” Many times, I wonder if the Holy Spirit is
constantly speaking quietly to our heart, but we drown him out with our own
versions of earthquakes, whirlwinds, and fires. If we step away from the noise
and quiet our hearts, we will hear the tender voice of the Holy Spirit speaking
truth and comfort to our burdened hearts.
Speak truth to yourself. Sometimes even after tuning
out the noise of the world, I still find it hard to hear the truth. Satan, the father
of lies, is crafty and cunning and will twist nearly anything to fit his own
devices in continuing to steal our joy, kill our hope and defeat our
effectiveness for the glory of God.
I think that may be one of the reasons that
the belt of truth is mentioned first as we put on the armor of God. For a long
time, I wondered why Paul included a belt in the armor. It is neither an
offensive nor defensive weapon. But the more I pondered and prayed, I realized
the centrality of this piece of armor to every other piece we are commanded to
take up in Ephesians 6. A belt is crucial to a garment in order to keep it
tightly secured. Could you imagine fighting a battle while your pants are
falling down around your ankles? The other crucial job of a belt is to provide
a place to store your weapons. In the same way, truth is absolutely essential
in our fight against our enemy.
When I find it hard to hear the truth, I
must seek it out in the Word of God! David did the same thing commanding his
heart to put his hope in God! (Psalm 42). Truth about who God is, who I am, and
what He has promised prove to be a healing balm to my soul and ultimately
defeats the deception of the devil.
Get outside. When my heart is hurting and all I
want to do is close myself up in my room, sometimes the healthiest thing I can
do is to take a walk. Getting outside reminds me that the world is so much
bigger than me and my problems. Seeing trees, birds, flowers (and yes, even
snow) can bring hope to my heart that even in the midst of this cruel world,
God is still working his redeeming plan. And exposing my heart to beauty
reminds me to be thankful for the little gifts of grace that God provides.
We see season after season how fall turns
to winter then winter to spring. “He has made everything beautiful in its time”
(Ecclesiastes 3:11). He then will also take my heart and make something
beautiful once again.
Breathe. I don’t mean deep breathing or yoga.
Throughout the Bible, the same words for Holy Spirit are “Ruach” or “Pneuma”
meaning breath. I have to remind myself that I am not my own life source.
Christ is. The vibrancy and beauty of my heart can only come through His power.
We sang a song on Sunday. “It’s your breath
in our lungs. So we pour out our praise.” (listen here) I had never realized the truth
of that chorus in that way before. It is only by the power of the Holy Spirit flowing
through us that we can utter our Amen to the glory of God (2 Corinthians 1:20).
Try as I might, I cannot praise God in the midst of the storm unless I am
sustained by the very nature of who he is in me. I can do nothing on my own,
but I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13).
It’s His Breath in our lungs. Let him pour out His praise through you.
This life is hard, and decisions that we must make are not
without their effect on our hearts. But friends, if you are in the midst of your
own hard right now, would you take my hand and walk with me as we make choices even
in the middle of the hard stuff? Let’s journey this road together for two are
better than one and a cord of three strands is not easily broken (Ecclesiastes
4:9). I would love to hear how I can be praying for you in the midst of your
hard thing! May God hold your hearts.
